Knob Quotes
Climbing the bole of the tree, a man clings with all his arms and legs, and lays hold of every knob and sliver. When he mounts amongst the branches, it should be with a more easy alacrity. A man will often be apt at the one operation, yet awkward at the other. Nor is it, indeed, common to meet with a man of such a character as can be carried from a low condition of life through successive ascents, with an aptitude for every condition into which he passes; and thus it is that men who rise well will often stand infirmly. But for want of due consideration being given to the nature of men and circumstances, it is a usual thing to hear, not only regret but surprise expressed, when a man who has attained an elevated position in life exhibits in that position those very defects of character through which he is there.
Henry Taylor
I saw Larry King and he was interviewing Pam Anderson. And it was really fun because Pam Anderson...remember when Pam Anderson did her hepatitis tour? Remember when she got hepatitis and then she did a press tour about it, because she is very conscious of woman's issues, and she went on Larry King and she's talking about it. Oh, and by the way, she said she got it from Tommy Lee, which, of course, she did. And Tommy Lee said she got it from a door knob. And...I'm sure that's at least what she got from Tommy Lee. I saw Tommy Lee at an award show two weeks before, I got crabs just from looking at him. So, anyway, she's talking a minute and then she had had her boobs reduced, you know, she keeps getting reduced and bigger and stuff. And then, Larry has the balls to say to her (imitating Larry King), "Aren't you afraid of that plastic surgery?"
Kathy Griffin
You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your hands, so you go to the bathroom, and they don't have any hot water? You turn on the C knob, cold water comes out, you turn on the H knob, cold water comes out! It's like, fuck, you cheap bar! But I can accept that, but I just want to know what H stands for now! C obviously stands for "cold." H must stand for, "Ha Ha Dude! You thought this shit was hot, but it is not! Now go spread some germs!"
Mitch Hedberg