Fart Quotes - page 2

The name was a fluke. A joke. It started when I was doing A Christmas Carol in San Diego. We'd sit backstage and talk about names we'd never give our children, like Pork Pie or Independence. Of course, now people are walking around with those names. A woman said to me, "If I was your mother, I would have called you Whoopi, because when you're unhappy you make a sound like a whoopee cushion. It sounds like a fart." It was like "Ha-ha-ha-ha-Whoopi!" So people actually started calling me Whoopi Cushion. After about a year, my mother said, "You won't be taken seriously if you call yourself Whoopi Cushion. So try this combination: Whoopi Goldberg. (Whoopi Goldberg)
I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away. View quote
Carl Barron
the 29th/Because of a very long fart, really a very long, and let us be frank, melodious fart, that I produced when I woke up, I was reminded of Michel de Montaigne. View quote
Salvador Dalí
The "Cabinet meeting" of the Chinese government is really quick in yielding. Even the fart of foreigners can be taken as "fragrance." The Cabinet meeting lifts the cotton export ban because foreigners want cotton; it orders "all provinces to stop collecting the cigarette tax" because foreigners want to import cigarettes. Let the 400 million compatriots again think it over: Isn't it correct to say that the Chinese government is the bookkeeper of foreigners? View quote
Mao Zedong
Art is like a fart for the soul. Better out than in. View quote
Martin Firrell
Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time. View quote
Lyndon B. Johnson
It's the fault of those physicists and that synchronicity theory, every particle being connected with every other; you can't fart without changing the balance in the universe. It makes living a funny joke with nobody around to laugh. I open a book and get a report on future events that even God would like to file and forget. And who am I? The wrong person; I can tell you that. View quote
Philip K. Dick
If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart. View quote
George A. Romero
Rock n' roll is for the young idiots, not an old fart like me. View quote
Al Jourgensen
For me, I need to be able to show up on set and fart around and goof around. If I can have that, when I'm not acting, then when I'm acting I can go however deep and dark and bad I need to. I developed that more with 'Breaking Bad' because I've never worked on anything as dark for as long. View quote
Betsy Brandt
Over at the Olivia Pope & Associates set, we're like middle school children. Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around; there's show tunes and fart noises. (Darby Stanchfield)
Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop. View quote
Ryan Hansen
Don't be afraid to fart while peeing, every rainstorm needs a bit of thunder. View quote
Richard Owen
Nothing will wilt spinach like an Egyptian fart. View quote
Bill Allred
You've the presence of a mouse fart in a high wind. Stand aside, and try not to catch fire if I shed sparks of genius. View quote
Scott Lynch
My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. View quote
Jenny McCarthy
The whole secret of raising a fart in class is to make it sound as if it is punctuating, or commenting upon, what the teacher is saying. Timing, not ripeness, is all. 'And since x tends to y as c tends to d,' Fred expounded, 'then the differential of the increment of x squared must be... must be... come on, come on! What must it flaming be?' Here was the chance to to give my version of what it must be. I armed one, opened the bomb bay, and let it go. Unfortunately, the results far exceeded the discreet limits I had intended. It sounded like a moose coughing. View quote
Clive James
Riding the crest, I diversified, exploiting a highly marketable capacity to fart at will... By mastering this skill I set myself on a par with those court jesters of old who could wow the monarch and all his retinue with a simultaneous leap, whistle and fart. Unable to extend my neo-Homeric story-telling activities from the playground to the classroom, I could nevertheless continue to hog the limelight by interpolating a gaseous running commentary while the teacher addressed himself to the blackboard. View quote
Clive James
Describe worrying," he went on. "What!?" "Pretend I'm someone who has never worried. I'm mystified. It don't get it. Tell me how to worry." "Well... I guess the first step is to envision a sequence of events as they might play out in the future." "But I do that all the time. And yet I don't worry." "It is a sequence of events with a bad end." "So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us? View quote
Neal Stephenson
If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity. View quote
Andy Samberg
Nose full of fart, mouth full of cock, she never even paused. (Tucker Max)
You're not bloody Aristophanes, and the people who are paying for tickets are not educated Athenians. We're acting for turnips who only come to talk to their cousins and fart. We have to give them a lot of action and low-level jokes, but you can leave all that to us on stage. We know what's required. Your job is to hone the basic framework and remember the simple motto: short speeches, short lines, short words. View quote
Lindsey Davis
I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. I want to provide my children with some substance. View quote
Fred Durst
It seems that when you have cancer you are a brave battler against the disease, but when you have Alzheimer's you are an old fart. That's how people see you. It makes you feel quite alone. View quote
Terry Pratchett
The moral of the story is, is we're here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don't realize, or they don't care, is we're dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we're not supposed to dance at all anymore. View quote
Kurt Vonnegut