Waitress Quotes - page 3

I wasn't the best waitress in the world, but I was cheerful and worked hard. (Lucy Alibar)
My stand-up has always been very character-based. I'm not really the kind of person that's like, 'Hey, here's what's on my mind! Tip your waitress!' I would create the jokes based on the character I was playing. It was always a performance-based thing for me. View quote
Mary Lynn Rajskub
I took my waitress uniform. Seemed fitting. View quote
Shiri Appleby
I wasn't a very good waitress, always spilling things on people and forgetting things. I once spilled ashes all over Mike Wallace's table. View quote
Tracy Pollan
The waitress took a bar rag, and she wiped it across her eyes. And as she spoke her voice came out as something like a sigh. She said "I wish that I was beautiful, or that you were halfway blind. And I wish I weren't so dog-gone fat, I wish that you were mine. And I wish that you'd come with me, when I leave for home. For we both know all about loneliness, and livin' all alone." View quote
Harry Chapin
I got a job when I was 15 because my allowance was about $20 a week which in New York was impossible. So I used to waitress across the street from where I grew up. View quote
Lady Gaga
On the independence of irrelevant alternatives: Morgenbesser, ordering dessert, is told by the waitress that he can choose between apple pie and blueberry pie. He orders the apple pie. Shortly thereafter, the waitress comes back and says that cherry pie is also an option; Morgenbesser says "In that case I'll have the blueberry pie." View quote
Sidney Morgenbesser
I was very poor and I was a waitress, and it's hard to be a poor waitress in New York. View quote
Kristin Davis
My mom was a waitress, and my dad was a plumber who worked for the City of San Clemente fixing mains breaks, so not too glamorous. View quote
Shaun White
I wasn't a good waitress, but I was told that I was very nice and charming, so people liked me anyway. View quote
Jennifer Aniston
I get tired of hearing it's a crummy world and that people are no damned good. What kind of talk is that? I know a place in Payette, Idaho, where a cook and a waitress and a manager put everything they've got into laying a chicken-fried steak on you. (Robert Fulghum)
Yogi ordered a pizza. The waitress asked How many pieces do you want your pie cut Yogi responded, Four. I don't think I could eat eight. View quote
Yogi Berra
I get heartfelt thanks from all kinds of people. Today I heard from a waitress in Georgia who has lost her job and is trying to figure out how her local bank can change the terms on her credit card, and I heard from a physicist at a major research university who wants to explain a better theory of financial stress tests. View quote
Elizabeth Warren
Since 1914...I wait for the natural to return; for newspapers to report news with care for accuracy and grammar; for schools to teach and for pupils to study; for faces to be sane and intelligent, and even humorous; for American artists and poets and writers to be exuberant and optimistic...it is all gone with the music of Vienna and the gaiety of San Francisco. But I still see everything against that background, and really I see nothing funny anywhere. The Beatnik beard and the mini skirt and the topless waitress, they ARE funny, I know they are funny but they only make me tired, I don't laugh. View quote
Rose Wilder Lane
I'll bet I'm as old as you are." "I'm older than Sanskrit." "Well, I was waitress at the Last Supper." "I'm so old I remember when McDonald's had only sold a hundred burgers." "You win. View quote
Tom Robbins
My mother and father had so many ups and downs and stayed with each other and helped each other. My mother took in ironing and she was a waitress. My father was working in the factory and he did people's tax returns. View quote
Patti Smith
What Senator McCain has lately been suggesting is that somehow I'm going to take money from people making over $250,000, and give it to people who "pay no taxes". What he's confusing is the fact that even if you don't pay income tax, there are a lot of people who don't pay income tax, but you're still paying a whole lot of other taxes. You're paying payroll tax, which is a huge burden on a lot of middle-income families. You're paying sales taxes. You're paying property taxes. There are a whole host of taxes that you're paying. So when we provide an offset to the waitress or the janitor, these folks are working. View quote
Barack Obama
I've noticed a certain anti-intellectualism going around this country; since about 1980, coincidentally enough. ... I was in Nashville, Tennessee, and after the show I went to a Waffle House. I'm not proud of it, but I was hungry. And I'm sitting there eating and reading a book. I don't know anybody, I'm alone, so I'm reading a book. The waitress comes over to me like, [gum smacking] "What'chu readin' for?" I had never been asked that. Not "What am I reading?", but "What am I reading for?" Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a fucking waffle waitress. View quote
Bill Hicks