Bitch Quotes - page 3
On Monday, Attorney General John Ashcroft issued a terrorism warning asking all Americans to be on high alert this week. Then on Friday he announced that the period of high alert will be extended indefinitely. I think I speak for all Americans when I say: Bitch, I can't be any more alert than I already am! Okay, I'm opening my mail with salad tongs, I take my passport into the shower with me. I'm watching so much CNN I'm having sex dreams about Wolf Blitzer. How 'bout this: you be on full alert. I'm gonna freeze my head like Walt Disney, and you can wake me up when everything's cool. Okay?[citation needed].
Tina Fey
Give me a black goddess sister, I can't resist her! No stringy haired, blonde haired, blue eyed, pale skinned, buttermilk complexion, grafted recessive, depressive, ironing board backside, straight-up and straight down, no frills, no thrills, Miss 6 o'clock, subject to have the itch, mutanoid, caucasoid, white cave bitch!
Khalid Abdul Muhammad
My favorite health club is the International House of Pancakes. No matter what your weight is, there will always be someone who weighs 150 pounds more than you will ever weigh. It's guaranteed; it's on the back of the menu, read it sometime. They don't give you a cup of coffee, they give you a hot aisle of coffee! It's coffee for 15 people. Even if you're alone, they bring you a big jug of coffee, which makes me feel good 'cause I think maybe somebody's coming and I don't know who. So I put in the sugar and the milk and I drink the whole thing and then I go, "BRING ME SOME GODDAMN PANCAKES!" Son of a bitch, that's too much coffee. What's the matter with you people?
Lewis Black
[on WMDs in Iraq] If they couldn't find the weapons, which were the reason we went to war, then why didn't they make something up? Why did they stop lying?! My government has always lied to me; I'm comfortable with that! Son of a bitch! What's so tough?! They could have done it simply! Just send two kids to Kinko's - "I need a picture of a camel WITH A NUCLEAR WEAPON ON ITS BACK!"
Lewis Black
When you turned it on, it said its name: "Droid." I keep it here in my pocket. I wish it would say "Groin", then I'd always know where it is. I don't think it's really smart to keep a phone this large and a screen that big right next to your nutsack. I believe my sperm are dying. I hear them weeping every morning. "Son of a bitch, Lou! It's hot as hell down here! Goddammit, it's like the sun is out twenty-four hours a day! Get us some water! I don't think we're gonna make it to the top of the hill again!"
Lewis Black
I've never had any sort of macho revulsion of fags, but Bowie and I - never, never, never, never. Everybody would think that, but I never saw him be that way anyway. I'll tell you this. That guy got more p-u-s-s-y. I couldn't believe it. Talk about a bitch magnet. Damn! Actresses, heiresses, waitresses, skateresses. And me? I was just left holding my dick most of the time. I had this short haircut, and I looked like a duck. But I got lucky sometimes. I got a good song out of a girl I was knocking off at the time, and it became "China Girl."
Iggy Pop
He felt a killing hate for the stupid, ordinary, disapproving people who kept him from doing what he wanted to do. "Someday I am going to have things just like I want," he said to himself. "And if any moralizing son of a bitch gives me any static, they will fish him out of the river.
William S. Burroughs
She's such a bitch,” Tina says, which I find a little contradictory, but overall quite true. "She's got to be in charge of everything.”
I sit next to her. "Well, I guess. But in business, that's leadership.”
Tina stares at me for a second. "I can't believe you consider that a positive trait. How about her inability to accept other points of view? Is it good leadership to be narrow, too?”
"Focus,” I say. "They call that focus.”
Tina stares at me. "Her paranoia?”
"Business savvy.”
"Compulsive need to have everything just how she wants it?”
"Organizational skills.”
"Aggressiveness?”
"Aggressiveness,” I say, "is already a good thing.”
"Jesus Christ,” Tina says, her eyebrow ring glinting in the morning sun. "Sometimes I worry about this country.
Max Barry
Punk (to a fan) :"Sir, you pay your ticket, you wanna boo - that's fine, but I dare you, I dare you to step in between these ropes, and you will never boo again, because I will render you a toothless, crying heap of a man. I am pissed off, and I wanna fight! So if you have the BALLS[censored], I dare you fatso, to step up, be a man, and fight CM Punk! Come on, son, come on! C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. I will render you to tears! C'mon, be a man, or sit down and be a bitch [censored] and shut your mouth"
Phil Brooks
I didn't ever really talk until I started hanging out in '80 or '81 with the drag queens at the Metropolis [or Met, a gay new wave club] in Portland. I was very, very quiet. So much so that at one point when I was very young I was diagnosed as a probable autistic. And then I started hanging around with bitchy drag queens and with [my friends] Ursula and Robin, and they basically raised me. I found my inner bitch and I ran with her.
Courtney Love
