Asshole Quotes

I said to a guy, I said, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?", and he said, "Well, it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?" (Bill Cosby)
A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.
Frank Zappa
They've gotta stop reporting wind chill. That's nonsense. It really is. I don't know where they came up with it, why they came up with it, but it's a lie. They come on, "Well, it's 27 degrees today, but with the wind chill, it's minus 3." ... WELL, THEN IT'S MINUS 3, ASSHOLE! I don't need to know what the weather was like if the conditions were perfect!
Lewis Black
A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be.
Bette Midler
Love is bullshit. Emotion is bullshit. I am a rock. A jerk. I'm an uncaring asshole and proud of it.
Chuck Palahniuk
You're not getting this back you know. Consider it an asshole tax.
Chuck Palahniuk
[Addressed to Berlusconi who wanted to impose himself on the editorial style of "Il Giornale"] In the art of entrepreneurship, you are certainly a genius, and I an asshole. But in the art of argument the genius is me, and you the asshole.
Indro Montanelli
What Jack didn't understand was that no matter where he went, the same asshole got off the plane.
Stephen King
I think it can be tremendously refreshing if a creator of literature has something on his mind other than the history of literature so far. Literature should not disappear up its own asshole, so to speak.
Kurt Vonnegut
I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."
Robin Williams
In your twenties you're becoming who you're going to be and so you might as well not be an asshole. (Cheryl Strayed)
Pam: "Claude, the mouthwateringly beautiful asshole?
Charlaine Harris
Laugh it up, asshole. But she who laughs last laughs longest, and I intend to belly roll tonight ~Tabitha.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
Shut up. Asshole. (Shahara) I live for your endearments. (Syn)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
What's going on? (Astrid) Not much. Some invincible asshole is trying to kill me. (Zarek)
Sherrilyn Kenyon
me: why is it upset? shouldn't it be downset? gideon: i will file a lawsuit against the dictionaries first thing tomorrow morning. we're going to tear merriam a new asshole and throw webster inside of it.
David Levithan
Be nice to people, because nobody likes an asshole.
Darren Criss
Only an asshole would put together a budget like this. I wouldn't call you an asshole unless you really were an asshole.
John McCain
Dark Helmet [after everyone on the bridge announces that their last name is "Asshole."]: I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes.
Mel Brooks
You're an asshole! You're an asshole! That's right! You're an asshole! You're an asshole! Yes yes!
Frank Zappa
I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at all. I just groom my three basic areas: teeth, hair, and asshole. And to save time, I use the same brush. (George Carlin)
Think of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity: Hitting a ball with a crooked stick...and walking after it! And then...hitting it again! I say pick it up, asshole, you're lucky you found the fuckin' thing! Put it in your pocket and go home, you're a winner! You're a winner! But no, Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again, and walk some more.
George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
[Industrialized man, drunk on alcohol and gasoline, becomes a confusion of sheep, bull and hyena. ] Charming. The least obstructed little asshole looks on himself in the mirror as Jupiter. [18].
Louis-Ferdinand Céline
I mean that it's all right to go to bed with an asshole but don't ever have a baby with one.
David Gilmour