Dick Quotes - page 6
Black people dominate every physical activity in the United States of America. We're only 10% of the population, we're 90% of the Final Four. Okay? We fucking dominate all this shit! Okay? Basketball, baseball, football, boxing, track- even golf and tennis! And as soon they make a heated hockey rink, we're gonna take that shit, too. Motherfuck Wayne Gretzky. Wait 'till you see LeBron on some skates. You ain't seen shit yet! He just gonna have one skate, chilling. "What's up?" He won't even have a stick, he'll just smack the puck in with his dick. Pow! "Slapshot, bee-otch!"
Chris Rock
Things get shaped straight and thin for reasons of aerodynamics. Missiles and skyscrapers are shaped the way they are on the soundest principles of engineering, not as monuments to the dick. In fact, so is the dick. The dick is shaped like a dick because that is the most efficient shape for a dick to be. That's why it's dick shaped. I mean a dick shaped like a table would cause all sorts of practical spatial problems.
Ben Elton
I think it was last weekend, I was watching C-SPAN, and I saw Vice President Dick Cheney, and he was being asked questions about a whole host of issues - following 9/11, the affairs in various countries in the world. And I listened to him speak and said whether you agree or disagree with him, this a man of wisdom and judgment, and he could have been president of the United States. That's the kind of person I'd like to have - a person of wisdom and judgment.
Mitt Romney
The republicans are always so much better at that word-game. I remember when they made the announcement that Dick Cheney was going to be the vice-president candidate, they purposely went back to the heartland home of his; back to Casper, Wyoming...and they went back to Dick Cheney's high school, where he'd been the captain of the football team. Folks, this is when I knew I would never be mainstream. ...I would never go back to my high school; I hated my high school. I hated the captain of the football team! ...And then, the piece de resistance, they bring out his wife, who of course had been his high school sweetheart. And again, this so doesn't work on me. That you married the first chick to give you a handjob?
Bill Maher
Jon Stewart: But I can show you a prediction that's wrong today. It comes via Dick Morris, King of Wrong Mountain. And it concerns accountability for pundits.
Dick Morris (clip): Romney's going to win. He's going to win by, I believe, more than 5 points. I believe he's going to get more than 300 electoral votes.
Dick Morris (clip): You know, after the election, either I'm going to have to go through a big reckoning, or they are.
Jon Stewart: No, you won't and they won't. Nobody will, because you're pundits. You live in a reckoning-free zone. One thing we learned is that punditry is like musical chairs. The only difference is, in musical chairs, when the music stops, nobody ever moves the chair. They just keep adding more chairs.
Dick Morris
I knew many homosexuals but I certainly didn't think of Batman in those terms. I thought of it in terms of ... Frank Merriwell and Dick Merriwell, his half-brother, who was the kid he was taking care of. ... In America we always talk about the Western hero and the pioneer kind of man-the Davy Crockett types-as being loners. They're never really. They always have a sidekick. ... Certainly there's no homosexual relationship. It's just part of the American syndrome. ... It was just that the author realized that you've gotta have somebody to talk to. Sherlock Holmes had Watson-were they homosexuals? Baloney. You just can't have your hero walking around thinking aloud all the time. He'd be ready for the men in white coats after a time. So we created a junior Watson and that's all [Robin] was.
Bill Finger
But the thing that's really disturbing about Noah isn't the silly, it's that it's immoral. It's about a psychotic mass murderer who gets away with it, and his name is God. Genesis says God was so angry with himself for screwing up when he made mankind so flawed (grr!), that he sent the flood to kill everyone. Everyone. Men, women, children, babies. What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie. Hey God, you know you're kind of a dick when you are in a movie with Russell Crowe, and you're the one with anger issues. You know, conservatives are always going on about how Americans are losing their values and their morality. Well, maybe it's because you worship a guy who drowns babies.
Bill Maher
Along with Stan Musial, Roberto Clemente was the best player I ever played with. He could do it all. He had a great year at bat [in 1960], but what really amazed me was his arm. He was in a different class than Mays, Colavito, all of them. I saw him make throws like no one I have ever seen, and he was accurate. Dick Groat and Bill Mazeroski were bruised all over their arms, legs and chest from his throws into second. He threw so hard that he'd throw a ball that one-hopped from near first base to home and still handcuffed the catcher.
Roberto Clemente
Roberto Clemente was such an awesome hitter. I never knew how to pitch him. You could throw the ball a foot inside and he'd hit a line drive down the left field line. Throw it a foot outside and he'd hit a home run over the right field fence. Dick Selma was pitching in Forbes Field one time and it was a tight spot late in the game. Roberto was up with a chance to beat us, and Westrum came out to the mound. He knew that if you threw the ball inside or outside, Roberto could still hurt you. So he said, "Throw one right down the middle of the plate, letter high. He won't be looking for it there.” Sure enough, Roberto hit it 400 feet, but he hit to dead center field for an out.
Roberto Clemente
Dick Stuart, who hit an estimated 500-foot homer over the left field scoreboard in Pittsburgh, has a rival in Roberto Clemente. The Puerto Rican outfielder of the Pirates made the Cubs sit up and take notice when he drilled a homer off southpaw Bill Henry in Chicago in the May 17 nightcap that left Wrigley Field via the left-center corner of the bleachers. Wrigley Field observers rated it at probably 500 feet. Rogers Hornsby, the Cubs batting coach, said it was the longest he ever witnessed and [manager] Bob Scheffing agreed it was No. 1 in his book.
Roberto Clemente
Dick Stuart took a look at Roberto Clemente slashing line drives one day and made a pertinent observation. "There must be the best 169-pound slugger in baseball,” Stuart said of the Pirate right fielder. Clemente lost some weight during the winter in his native Puerto Rico and never has been able to regain it. But he hasn't lost his fierce swing... He was leading the Pirates not only in batting but also in RBIs with 23, and of his three homers, two went to right field, indicating his power to all fields. Clemente slammed a homer into the right field stands in Pittsburgh [on May 9th] and also performed the novel feat of drilling one over the right field wall in Philadelphia [on May 19th].
Roberto Clemente
If Roberto Clemente were named Ernie Banks, the Giants would have defeated the Pirates last night. San Francisco manager Alvin Dark said recently that he would walk Banks with the bases loaded in a late inning provided the Giants had at least a two-run lead at the time. But "my name is not Banks," said Clemente gleefully as he stroked a 2-and-2 Dick Lemay pitch out of the ball park for the eighth-inning grand slam homer that overcame a three-run Giant lead and set up a 6-to-4 Pittsburgh victory. The crowd of 23,177 was horrified. Therein one fell swipe of the unprincipled Clemente bat, which has been subjecting the San Francisco corps to ruin all season long, went the brightest opportunity the Giants have had in a month...
Roberto Clemente
Well, somebody asked me if it was true that I scuffled with Roberto Clemente and he pulled a knife and cut me on the hand. Then they said Bob Friend and Dick Stuart came in to break it up and Stuart threw Clemente against the wall and that's how he hurt his arm. I never had an argument with anyone, Clemente doesn't own a knife, and I doubt if Stuart, strong as he is, could pick up Clemente-an ex-Marine-and throw him against a wall.
Roberto Clemente
I'm just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it's un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked ... It's just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. [The media] tells people ... that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way.
Mike Tyson
Nixon appeared to have only two options left: Option One: He could boldly remain as president and defend himself in the now-inevitable impeachment proceedings. Option Two: He could spare the country further trauma by resigning in a dignified manner. Those of you who are well-schooled students of "Dick" Nixon will not be surprised to learn that, after carefully weighing the alternatives, he decided to go with Option Three: to stand in the Rose Garden and make a semicoherent speech about his mother that may well rank as the single most embarrassing moment in American history. Thoroughly humiliated, Nixon then went off to live in a state of utter disgrace (New Jersey). This was widely believed to be the end of his career.
Richard Nixon
So I am happy to have you here in this home that you let me occupy. I saw Dick Nixon Saturday night. I met him coming back from Viet-Nam. I told him I wondered if he ran into Barry Goldwater and Nelson Rockefeller on their way out to Viet-Nam. Now, we have got a lot to do in Viet-Nam. Of course, Nixon was out there, as I understand it, working on Pepsi-Cola, I believe it was. But we have got work to do here, too, and one of the big jobs we have got to do is we have got to pass a civil rights bill. That will give Americans equal opportunity.
Lyndon B. Johnson
