Yard Quotes - page 8
One day, I was picking up dog turds on my front yard, and I realized something: there are 6 people who work for me full-time, so I'm slowly reevaluating everybody's position at Ron White Inc., so that next time, I won't have to be the dog-turd-picker-upper. It's a tie between my pool boy and my tax attorney...and I'm leaning towards the tax attorney. But as I'm picking up these turds, I see one that's massive, even by Sluggo's standards, which are legendary, and I know it's his, because he outshits the Scotties 2-to-1. I'm looking at this turd – I'm admiring it, really – and I begin to think there's lettering on the side of it. I go in the house and get my glasses, because I can't read shit without my glasses. [Audience laughs] And it does. It says "Midland Park Golf Course". Sluggo had eaten and shat whole a golf glove, velcro and all...I rinsed it off and been using it for three weeks.
Ron White
He's been by far and away the best footballer in the world for the last five or six years. He's the best player of all time and if he stays fit he will continue for the next five or six years. The things he does right now are out of this world. Of course, he doesn't play by himself, but he is simply incredible. He always finds a way and is always a yard quicker than everyone else. If you have a player like that on your side, you needn't fear anyone.
Lionel Messi
