Ass Quotes - page 12
When we take into consideration the fact that the Rev. Mr. Dixon is a minister and believes that he is called upon to deliver to the people a divine message, I do not wonder that he makes the following assertion: "If God could choose Balaam's ass to speak a divine message, I do not see why he could not utilize the Colonel.” It is natural for a man to justify himself and to defend his own occupation. Mr. Dixon, however, will remember that the ass was much superior to the prophet of God, and that the argument was all on the side of the ass. And, furthermore, that the spiritual discernment of the ass far exceeded that of the prophet. It was the ass who saw the angel when the prophet's eye was dim.
Robert G. Ingersoll
The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight, because I have been saying, for the longest time, that president Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass...and, by god, today they went in and looked for it. They actually went in and looked for it and... They didn't find it. So now we don't know where it is, but at least for once in my life, I get to see the words "Bush", "operation", and "success" in the same sentence.
Bill Maher
Christine O'Donnell ... was one of our most frequent guests on Politically Incorrect. People who may not remember Politically Incorrect because they're too young or they were watching Johnny Carson or something ... may not remember that we created people like Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham... we did like to book a lot of female conservatives. They were good press and they were good for the show. We loved Christine O'Donnell. I still like her. You cannot not like her. She is such a nice person.
We have a great clip that used to be in our highlight reel of Ben Affleck on that show just saying "Please, Christine, shut up." Because I guess she would just go on. She was known back then as the girl from SALT. SALT being the Savior's Alliance for Lifting the Truth. ... So part of me for sentimental reasons is rooting for Christine O'Donnell in Delaware. The other part of me is rooting for her because she's going to get her Christian ass kicked in the general election.
Bill Maher
Beloved soulmate.. ..you'll kiss my ass at least seven times if I manage to convince you from the crazy happiness I got from living here [Madrid].. ..the various insects with their deadly weapons, made of needles and penknives, which, if you don't look out and even if you do, will tear away your flesh and your hair as well.. ..and you can't find a spot far enough away from them to escape their cruelty. This infection is general in every town..
Francisco Goya
[marijuana dealers] Just soon they see you, just, "Nigga, nigga, nigga...nigga. You remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. It's nothing, nigga. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit, nigga! This shit here, nigga!" Always has some fucked up name. "It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!" Always has some fucked up ass name. "Nigga, this shit here, nigga. This shit here, niggia. This shit's called Deaf, nigga." You be like, "Nigga, that don't even sound attractive. What the...You mean I'm gonna hit it and die, nigga? Is that what..." "No nigga, not Death, nigga, Deaf. You hit this shit twice, nigga, you can't hear shit!"
Katt Williams
Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will. Integrity is not a search for the rewards of integrity. Maybe all you ever get for it is the largest kick in the ass the world can provide. It is not supposed to be a productive asset. Crime pays a lot better. I can bend my own rules way, way over, but there is a place where I finally stop bending them. I can recognize the feeling. I've been there a lot of times.
From now on, Lawton Hisp was not going to have a very nice life. They might never come after him, but it just wasn't going to be very joyous from now on.
Happy New Year, Mister Hisp.
John D. MacDonald
Look. I'd be the first to admit that I don't have an ounce of common sense, but I think people should be fucking in the streets. Assfucking. Especially women fucking men in the ass with dildos. What this country needs is a lot more sodomy. Because there are a lot of crises a-coming: global warming as we rape Alaska for oil, the return of coathanger abortions, downward economic spirals, nuclear terrorism, the reemergence of "Burn the motherfucker down," "Fuck the police," "Blow it all up and let's start all over again"-it will be a dark and frightening time. And our retarded president will offer little solace or hope. If you think things cannot get any worse, you have no imagination and no sense of history.
John S. Hall
There's heaven, then there's hell niggas
One day your cruising in your 7 next day your sweatin forgettin your lies
Alibis ain't matchin up, bullshit catchin up
Hit with the rico, they repo your vehico'
Everything was all good just a week ago
'Bout to start bitching ain't you? Ready to start snitching ain't you?
I'll forgive your weak ass, hustling just ain't you
Aside from the fast cars; honey's that shake they
ass at bars you know you wouldn't be involved
with the underworld dealers, carriers of Mac Miller
East coast bodiers, west coast cap peelers
Little monkey niggas turn gorillas.
Jay-Z
I guess it's just the need to be heard / I need niggas to say / I can't believe your words / I'm just an addict / Addicted to music / Thoughts is sporadic / I gotta un-confuse it / Sorta like a Rubik's Cube is / Every albums' a color / But I fuck up the other / Color / (laughs) I guess I'm more like / A bitch with a belly but her ass is right / (laughs) Y'all don't understand me still / I never enjoy my success but my family will / And I'm alright with that / So the rap Jerry Rice is back / To fulfill a need / Though I lead the league / I pray everyday I travel at God Speed / Not a minute slower cause the minute you Hova / Everybody praying for your spinach to slow up / It's sad but it's true / But nigga's ass gone turn blue / Holding' ya breath, cause the force that's controlling my step / Won't let me lose it till I'm undisputed / Until I'm one with the music / Till I'm dead and gone in search of the perfect song*.
Jay-Z
It seems to be my destiny to discourse on truth, insofar as I discover it, in such a way that all possible authority is simultaneously demolished. Since I am incompetent and extremely undependable in men's eyes, I speak the truth and thereby place them in the contradiction from which they can be extricated only by appropriating the truth themselves. A man's personality is matured only when he appropriates the truth, whether it is spoken by Balaam's ass or a sniggering wag or an apostle or an angel.
Søren Kierkegaard
Carlos Castaneda died in Westwood, California, in 1998. "His only real sorcery,” writes Kathryn Lindskoog in her entertaining book Fakes, Frauds, and Other Malarkey (1993), "was turning the University of California into an ass.” The next time you come close to a crow, try calling out "Hello Carlos!” If you are high enough on peyote, you might hear the bird answer.
Martin Gardner
We had some very good young ballplayers – Maz, Groat, Clemente, Dale Long – though Clemente was a big piece of nothing his first years. Virdon and I would get all over Clemente. If a tough right-hander was going to face us, Clemente all of a sudden would get a headache or a bad back. I challenged him one day – I said, "You don't want to play tonight because Drysdale's pitching and he might knock you on your ass."
Roberto Clemente
It's been five years, we still can't catch Osama bin Laden, but we've nailed Martha Stewart and Barry Bonds' ass to the wall. The world's worst terrorist is still dragging his dialysis machine through a Pakistani strip mall right now, but the doily broad and the slugger prick won't bother us again.
Christopher Titus
I sent down a circular check to the office to be cashed-a check good for its face in any part of the world, as any ordinary ass would know-but the ass who was assifying for the Queen Anne Mansions on salary didn't know it; indeed I think that his assitude transcended any assfulness I have ever met in this world or elsewhere.
Mark Twain
