Shit Quotes - page 8
Sanctity of life. You believe in it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of shit. Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realise that God is one of the leading causes of death. Has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians all taking turns killing each other 'cuz God told them it was a good idea. Millions of dead motherfuckers all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. «You believe in God?» «No.» Pfoom. Dead. «You believe in God?» «Yes.» «You believe in my God?» «No.» Pfoom. Dead. «My God has a bigger dick than your God!» Thousands of years. Thousands of years, and all the best wars, too. The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me. Hey, any time a bunch of holy people want to kill each other I'm a happy guy.
George Carlin
I'm gettin' tired of guys who smoke pipes. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? Guy with a fuckin' pipe! It's an arrogant thing to place a burning barrier between you and the rest of the world. It's supposed to imply thoughtfulness or intelligence. It's not intelligent to stand around with a controlled fire sticking out of your mouth. I say, "Hey, professor! You want somethin' hot to suck on? Call me! I'll give ya somethin' to put in your mouth!" I think these pipe-smokers oughta just move to the next level and go ahead and suck a dick. There's nothing wrong with suckin' dicks. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. I say, Drop the pipe, and go to the dick! That's my advice. I'm here to help.
George Carlin
They say if you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. And I would admit, that somewhere underneath all this there's a little flicker of a flame of idealism that would love to see it all - huish! - change. But it can't happen that way. And incremental change - it just seems the pile of shit is too deep.
George Carlin
I'm buying a Cinnabon ... at the airport ... I arrived at. You understand why that's extra disgusting, right? Because when you're at the airport you're leaving from, you can say, "Oh, I gotta eat. I need some food, because I might be trapped in the sky forever, so I should eat right now." But I've landed. The trip is over. I'm 20 minutes from my house, where I got bananas and apples and shit. And I'm sitting on my luggage just fucking eating a Cinnabon with a fork and knife.
Louis C.K.
People talking shit, but when the shit hits the fan
Everything I'm not made me everything I am.
I know people wouldn't usually rap this
But I got the facts to back this
Just last year, Chicago had over six hundred caskets
Man, killing's some wack shit
Oh, I forgot, 'cept for when niggas is rappin'
Do you know what it feel like when people is passin'?
He got changed over his chains a block off Ashland
I need to talk to somebody, pastor
The church want tithe, so I can't afford to pay
Pink slip on my door, 'cause I can't afford to stay
My fifteen seconds up, but I got more to say--
'That's enough Mr. West, please, no more today.'
Kanye West
... I often feel literally nauseated upon hearing works representative of the "new simplicity", or of the "new romantic" genre, works which, by aiming low, targeting only the mock-astral plane of musical yuppiedom, ignore the very dangers which make genuine art both human and transcendent. Fortunately, we are witnessing the growth of a grass-roots movement comprised of composers and performers who, having peeked over the fence surrounding this dungheap, have determined that shovelling shit is not to be their fate, and who are lovingly dedicating their lives to the seemingly endless, often agonizing labor which the production of challenging new works entails.
James Boros
Because arguing with racist people is like playing chess with a pigeon: It doesn't matter how good you are! The pigeon is going to knock all the pieces down and shit on the board and parade around like he's won. (the "Playing chess with pigeons..." statement is not something that originated with Eric Cantona but was first created by an Amazon product reviewer and is often repeated by others, per Snopes.)
Eric Cantona
(in response to someone shouting "I miss Nick (Oliveri)") Well, if you miss Nick, you can go out to the parking lot and go fuck yourself. Maybe you should get started immediately. And maybe if you're really lucky, he'll beat the shit out of you too. Because that's what he likes to do to girls, so maybe you can go miss him, I dunno... Do you feel satisfied about making you comment now? Are you happy that everyone looked at you and know what you look like? See that, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I remember my first beer too.
Josh Homme
(during "Feel Good Hit of the Summer") They tried to put me in rehab too, but that shit didn't work. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol. Nicotine, valium, vicodin, marijuana, ecstasy and alcohol. (song pauses) I cannot be killed by anything.
Josh Homme
My favorite food when I was with the Floyd was Heinz Baked Beans. I would shit my pants quite regularly during sessions. To this day, I believe that's why Roger has such a dour look on his face. I went through more pairs of trousers than I care to discuss. I guess you could call that era "Pooper at the Gates of Dawn” or "Atom Fart Mother.”.
Syd Barrett
I have a cage
It's called the stage
When I'm let out
I run about
And sing and dance and sweat and yell
I have so many tales to tell
I like to push things to the edge
And inch my way along the ledge
I feel like God, I feel like shit
The paradox, an even split
It's just a job, I always say
I should be grateful everyday
Sometimes I think I just can't do it
But I persist and I get through it
And I console myself each night
At least my cage is filled with light.
Madonna (entertainer)
I'm going to do damage with it. I'll make sure that my work gets out. That no publisher will ever be able to tell me to take things out. Because I'll put it out myself. The more money I earn, the less they can stop me. Where I come from it's called fuck you money because I don't have to take an ounce of shit from anybody.
Michael Moore
"Acidophilus milk"?! What the fuck are you talking about?! "Acidophilus milk"?! Milk doesn't need a friend! That shit belongs in the yogurt section! "Lactose-intolerant milk"?! Kiss my DICK! If you're lactose-intolerant, you can't drink milk. So what's in the fucking carton? Get it outta there, get it away from my milk! It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself!
Lewis Black
This is how fucked up I was: I brought a landline so I could keep my fucking phone! I broke with AT&T when they announced that you could buy, for your home, a transmitter for 200 dollars. A 200-dollar transmitter, so that you can help AT&T build the infrastructure you thought you were getting when you brought the piece of shit! I don't think-- We don't know, do we, what a cellphone does to us? Imagine what a transmitter will do! I believe that your shit'll be glowing in a week! "Honey, have we been eating phosphorous?!" Here's the kicker: AT&T is then gonna charge you twelve dollars a month to use the transmitter you already brought from them, so that AT&T successfully turns your cellphone BACK INTO A FUCKING LANDLINE, ASSHOLE!
Lewis Black
We just don't have the budget to make it look good, and as a 68 year old, drunk, worked over filmmaker, I just can't stand that video game looking shit...You look at something like The Lego Movie, which is just wall to wall CGI and it's just a fucking 90 minute commercial. I don't care how good it is. Fuck ‘em! We get waves and waves of this kind of shit already on TV 24/7. This is something that's getting marketed to kids and families! It's just a commercial no matter what you say about it.
Lloyd Kaufman
I don't want to get any messages saying, "I am holding my position." We are not holding a Goddamned thing. Let the Germans do that. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemy's balls. We are going to twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all of the time. Our basic plan of operation is to advance and to keep on advancing regardless of whether we have to go over, under, or through the enemy. We are going to go through him like crap through a goose; like shit through a tin horn!
George S. Patton
