Shit Quotes - page 6

The mark of a basic shit is that he can't mind his own business. (Timothy Leary)
I went to the Home Depot yesterday, which was unnecessary; I need to go to the Apartment Depot. It's just a bunch of guys standing around going "Hey, we ain't gotta fix shit." View quote
Mitch Hedberg
Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck. View quote
Mitch Hedberg
Any man will follow any feminine looking thing down any dark alley; I've always wanted to see a man beaten to a shit bloody pulp with a high-heeled shoe stuffed up his mouth, sort of the pig with the apple; it would be good to put him on a serving plate but you'd need good silver. View quote
Andrea Dworkin
The idea that I can't share my problems with other people makes me not give a shit about their problems. View quote
Chuck Palahniuk
Show me a poet, and I'll show you a shit. View quote
A. J. Liebling
The universe is indifferent to our fates. This was the crushing burden that the character took with him as he struggled through the surf toward survival or extinction. The universe just does not give a shit. View quote
Dan Simmons
Waging war on his enemies had been Sokolov's habit and his profession for a long time, but being chivalrous to everyone else was simply a basic tenet of having your shit together as a human and as a man. View quote
Neal Stephenson
I have about half a second to make a crucial decision: I can either sprint and hope I make it there before I shit in my boxers, or I can stick my thumb up into my ass and shuffle the 60 yards to lavatory freedom. View quote
Tucker Max
I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others. View quote
Maria Bamford
I found out yesterday there really is a place called Bumfuck, Egypt. And the only way to get there is to go up Shit Creek. (Ron White)
I want to know if the people are in the shit and I want to take the people out of the shit in which they are. View quote
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva
There is nothing like making love to somebody you give a shit about. View quote
Jim Carrey
And as the mouthpiece Of every single citizen without peace Direction and leadership I'ma spit it 'til your ears can't believe this shit We got weapons of mass destruction, and we is it. View quote
Danny!
Tattoos are cool because they don't belong on your body, but you put it there to say something about yourself. Much like my rolls of fat. That shit does not belong on a human body. And I put it there to say something about me. I don't like fruit. I don't like it! Long bike ride? I'm out. Hot dog eating contest? I'm listening. View quote
Dave Attell
I maybe made some mistakes, but I'm only human. But, I'm man enough to face 'em today. What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb. But, the smartest shit I did was take the bullets out of that gun. Because I'd have killed them. Shit, I'd have shot Kim and them both. It's my life, I'd like to welcome you all to 'The Eminem Show.' View quote
Eminem
Now this No Limit shit, No Limit nigga Everbody wanna know how this shit happens, but we ain't playa hatin' And what's goin' on, but ya know what? It don't get no realer than this though dog. View quote
Snoop Dogg
There is a difference between being a good man and being good at being a man. Being a good man has to do with ideas about morality, ethics, religion, and behaving productively within a given civilizational structure. Being good at being a man is about showing other men that you are the kind of guy they'd want on their team if the shit hits the fan. View quote
Jack Donovan
We didn't know that right before us Hari Kunzru and Amitava Kumar had just read from The Satanic Verses in a separate session. The minute I finished, people were queuing for me to sign copies of Narcopolis. But we were taken to this room where Hari and Amitava were sitting and we weren't allowed to leave. There was a lawyer, there were police on site and they threatened to close down the festival which made all of us feel like shit. I was full of remorse, because the directors are our friends and we knew how much work they had put into it, but I don't think we were really in trouble. Even though we were told to make ourselves scarce. View quote
Jeet Thayil
Live for today you retarded little shit. The end is near. View quote
Joey Comeau
I was a teenage wuss. In junior high school, I had oily, stringy hair and lots of pimples. I wore really wussy clothes. Most of the kids called me a faggot. Even some of the other wusses called me a faggot. There was maybe five kids in the whole school who were wussier than I was. I was really wussed out. I was afraid of girls, and guys scared the shit out of me. (John S. Hall)
I hate people at Halloween they don't carve their pumpkin out, they'll just like paint a face on it; you know what I'm talking about? But some people won't even do that, they'll paint a face, but it won't even be on a pumpkin, it'll be like on a piece of paper. But some people won't even do that, they'll take like a bunch of words and put that on a piece of paper, and it'll be like an essay on Ben Franklin or some shit, you know? And then they'll hand it in at school and it won't even be Halloween! It's like, pffft, nice jack-o-lantern, jackass![citation needed]. View quote
Kyle Cease
I can sculpt a birthday cake out of shit and insist that I obviously mean cake, that my real intent is to wish you a happy birthday, but my intentions and protestations cannot turn crap into a delicious dessert. View quote
Laura Penny
Too much tail. All that jewelry weighs it down. Like vanity. Can't nobody fly with all that shit. Wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down. View quote
Toni Morrison
Arctic Monkeys are a great band, but bands like that sometimes spend a lot of time reminding people about the shitiness of reality. I don't want to sing for half an hour, reminding people about how shit Sheffield is - unless it's for one verse or a joke. View quote
Shingai Shoniwa