Christmas Quotes - page 31

The only real blind person at Christmas-time is he who has not Christmas in his heart. We sightless children had the best of eyes that day in our hearts and in our finger-tips. We were glad from the child's necessity of being happy. The blind who have outgrown the child's perpetual joy can be children again on Christmas Day and celebrate in the midst of them who pipe and dance and sing a new song! (Helen Keller)
It's the blind leading the blond It's the cops collecting for the cons. So where is the hope and Where is the faith and the love? What's that you say to me Does love light up your Christmas tree? The next minute you're blowing a fuse And the cartoon network turns into the news. View quote
Larry Mullen
She calls me up and says "Guess what - we're going to the Persian Gulf for Christmas". Immediately I put my hands over my clitoris. I don't want to insult the Muslim culture. It's such a wonderful culture for women - unless you have a clitoris and you're 13 cause they're hacking that shit off! View quote
Kathy Griffin
It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy; that the world owes the world more than the world can pay, and ought to go into chancery and be sold. I do not think this general insolvency, which involves in some sort all the population, to be the reason of the difficulty experienced at Christmas and New Year and other times, in bestowing gifts; since it is always so pleasant to be generous, though very vexatious to pay debts. But the impediment lies in the choosing. If at any time it comes into my head that a present is due from me to somebody, I am puzzled what to give, until the opportunity is gone. Flowers and fruits are always fit presents; flowers, because they are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. These gay natures contrast with the somewhat stern countenance of ordinary nature: they are like music heard out of a work-house. View quote
Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is always going to be another variant. We cannot go on forever in permanent hair-on-fire, cancel Christmas, hand-jobs through a hazmat suit. View quote
Bill Maher
As told in the final section of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour Christmas CD:. View quote
Bill Engvall
The Christmas story is at the heart of the ... Christian faith. But the message of hope, love, peace, and joy - they're also universal. It speaks to all of us, whether we're Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, or any other faith, or no faith at all. It speaks to all of us as human beings who are here on this Earth to care for one another, to look out for one another, to love one another.

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Joe Biden
They're making us pay a fortune for electricity, ya know. They reckon we should save the planet, save electricity and all that sort of stuff. Oh, yeah, I'm loving this shit they're coming out with! You got the Chinese bellowing out shit for coal-fired power stations, the Americans are driving about in 4x4 Humvees, Las Vegas is lit up like a giant Christmas tree, but they reckon if I switch off this little standby button on my TV... View quote
Lee Evans (comedian)
You're a corporate whore. Merry Christmas. View quote
Scott Kurtz
I've had a few medical problems this year: I'm now so old, that my pussy is haunted.(series 4, episode 1; What the Queen didn't say in her Christmas message) View quote
Frankie Boyle