Ugly Quotes - page 45
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who would stop to help you change your flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club. Also, the Republicans have a high Beady-Eyed Self-Righteous Scary Borderline Loon Quotient, as evidenced by Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Robertson, the entire state of Utah, etc.
Dave Barry
Experiences like that led the band to develop the Retaliation Song. The way it worked was, if they were forced to perform a song they hated, they'd retaliate by playing a song that was even worse. For example, if the band had to play "My Way," it would counterattack with Bobby Goldsboro's sap-oozing piece of dreck, "Honey" (She wrecked the car and she was sad, and so afraid that I'd be mad, but what the heck!). One night, at a wedding reception, an extremely drunk man ordered the band to perform "The Ballad of the Green Berets," and then, a half hour later, demanded that it be played again. That night, Arrival struck back with the hydrogen bomb of retaliation songs: "In the Year 2525," the relentlessly ugly Zager and Evans song with the disturbingly weird lyrics (You won't find a thing to chew! Nobody's gonna look at you!). Some guests actually fled the room. (Chapter 3)
Dave Barry
My heart was beat, beat, beating. No one, except my mother, had ever looked at me or spoken to me like this. "You are the most sensitive and beautiful man I've ever met,” she said with tears coming to her eyes. I took a big, deep breath. This was just too much. I couldn't believe it. I'd been called stupid and ugly for so long that this was really tough to hear. Once, I'll never forget, two seniors at the Academy had stopped me and ordered me to attention, and I'd snapped to, as we underclassmen were supposed to do. They'd walked around me, carefully inspecting my uniform, and one of them then said, "Is this the cadet?” "Yes,” said the other one. "I agree with you; you're right,” said the first one. "This is the ugliest cadet in the school!”.
Victor Villaseñor