[imitates a terrorist] "We must penetrate the west at their most vulnerable spot: Glasgow Airport!" [shakes head] I think the lesson was learned: don't... fuck... with Scottish people... who have a holiday booked, okay? [imitates Scottish tourist] "I'll get the trolley. You get the bags and stuff. We'll get the rest of the stuff at duty-free. You got our tickets and the passports? What gate are we? Twenty... two. Hold on while I punch this burning man in the face. Fuck off! Bastard! Majorca, here we come! Ten days, I couldn't afford two weeks! Hang on while I just get a light off his face! Hold still, you Al-Qaeda bastard! Where you from?" "Afghan.." "Whereabouts?" (Michael McIntyre)

[imitates a terrorist] "We must penetrate the west at their most vulnerable spot: Glasgow Airport!" [shakes head] I think the lesson was learned: don't... fuck... with Scottish people... who have a holiday booked, okay? [imitates Scottish tourist] "I'll get the trolley. You get the bags and stuff. We'll get the rest of the stuff at duty-free. You got our tickets and the passports? What gate are we? Twenty... two. Hold on while I punch this burning man in the face. Fuck off! Bastard! Majorca, here we come! Ten days, I couldn't afford two weeks! Hang on while I just get a light off his face! Hold still, you Al-Qaeda bastard! Where you from?" "Afghan.." "Whereabouts?"

Michael McIntyre

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