In a Stage I survival-focused world, a father needed to be a problem-solver. He needed to "tough it out” by denying feelings. He needed to persuade, argue, debate, set rules, distinguish right from wrong without flexibility. These skills made him "eligible,” they brought him a wife and children. In every sense of the word, these skills were his relationship language. Problem is, "toughing it out” fed his loved ones' mouths, but didn't nurture his loved ones' souls.