‘You can only be so thick-skinned. You can only pretend not to care for so long before you have to admit that you hate being made to look like an idiot. I hate seeing myself misquoted. I hate being linked romantically with girls I've been close to for years but never slept with. It's just upsetting, isn't it? My nan reads and believes these things. I say, "Hiya Nan, how are you getting on?” and she'll say, "Are you all right? What about that cat you injected with crack?”'