My grandfather saw a lot of violence and a lot of poverty, and really was incredibly, deeply tortured by it. It was always this elephant in the room that we never talked about growing up. He spoke fluent Spanish, but never in front of us. I think he was really afraid that we would be judged and held back by our Mexican heritage, like he was. Part of writing this play was like digging up my own family ghosts and things that I personally had always been afraid to talk about, because my family never talked about them. Also, because I'm Mexican and I'm white, I often struggle with wondering if I'm "allowed” to tell stories through this lens; growing up, the white kids always told me I was Latina or "ethnic,” and the Chicano kids always told me I was a "gringa,” so I never really felt like I fit in anywhere... (Hilary Bettis)

My grandfather saw a lot of violence and a lot of poverty, and really was incredibly, deeply tortured by it. It was always this elephant in the room that we never talked about growing up. He spoke fluent Spanish, but never in front of us. I think he was really afraid that we would be judged and held back by our Mexican heritage, like he was. Part of writing this play was like digging up my own family ghosts and things that I personally had always been afraid to talk about, because my family never talked about them. Also, because I'm Mexican and I'm white, I often struggle with wondering if I'm "allowed” to tell stories through this lens; growing up, the white kids always told me I was Latina or "ethnic,” and the Chicano kids always told me I was a "gringa,” so I never really felt like I fit in anywhere...

Hilary Bettis

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digging elephant ethnic family felt fit fluent front grandfather growing heritage hold lens mexican play poverty room saw spanish spoke struggle talk tell think violence white wondering writing things chicano gringa latina

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