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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
Tim Vine
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A teacher affects eternity he can never tell, where his influence stops.
Henry Adams
If my doctor told me I had only six months to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
Isaac Asimov
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.
Oscar Wilde
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen