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If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
Bob Edwards
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When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do - well, that's Memoirs.
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There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way."
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If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
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An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.
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