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When I told my parents I wanted to be an actor, my mom was, like, 'I think I heard you say lawyer.'
Maz Jobrani
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.
Robert Louis Stevenson
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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You mustn't always believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there is no answer.
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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
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