Gilbert Gottfried quotes - page 3

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews. (Gilbert Gottfried)
If a comedian tells a joke that you find funny, you laugh. If he tells a joke you do not find funny, don't laugh. Or you could possibly go as far as groaning or rolling your eyes. Then you wait for his next joke; if that's funny, then you laugh. If it's not, you don't laugh - or at very worst, you can leave quietly. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.' View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive! View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp. (Gilbert Gottfried)
The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried
My family originally lived in Brooklyn. Our first apartment was a little place above my father and uncle's hardware store in Coney Island. Now, don't get the impression that we were surrounded by merry-go-rounds, roller coasters and Ferris wheels. Nope, this was a little side street. View quote
Gilbert Gottfried