Gilbert Gottfried quotes - page 2

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching. (Gilbert Gottfried)

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.

Gilbert Gottfried

I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.

Gilbert Gottfried

I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.

Gilbert Gottfried

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

Gilbert Gottfried

I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

Gilbert Gottfried

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.

Gilbert Gottfried

I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.

Gilbert Gottfried

I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

Gilbert Gottfried

If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.

Gilbert Gottfried

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it. (Gilbert Gottfried)

Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'

Gilbert Gottfried

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

Gilbert Gottfried

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

Gilbert Gottfried

My Bubbie lived to 104, which is probably a little too old to consider a ripe old age, because she had already started to turn. I still say she died young.

Gilbert Gottfried

I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.

Gilbert Gottfried

I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.

Gilbert Gottfried

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

Gilbert Gottfried

I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean?

Gilbert Gottfried

I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.

Gilbert Gottfried

Nothing can help my comedy. (Gilbert Gottfried)

There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.

Gilbert Gottfried

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

Gilbert Gottfried

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, 'How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.'

Gilbert Gottfried

A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

Gilbert Gottfried

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