Graham Chapman quotes

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply. (Graham Chapman)
Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok. View quote
Graham Chapman
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. View quote
Graham Chapman
Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy! View quote
Graham Chapman
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled. View quote
Graham Chapman
I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim. View quote
Graham Chapman
An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition... A contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says." No, it's not... View quote
Graham Chapman
McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time... View quote
Graham Chapman
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! View quote
Graham Chapman
We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing! View quote
Graham Chapman
We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing! (Graham Chapman)
You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians. View quote
Graham Chapman
A murderer is only an extroverted suicide. View quote
Graham Chapman
I fart in your general direction. View quote
Graham Chapman
Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love. View quote
Graham Chapman
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. View quote
Graham Chapman
WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color? View quote
Graham Chapman
In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again. View quote
Graham Chapman
Camelot is a silly place. View quote
Graham Chapman
All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person. View quote
Graham Chapman
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? (Graham Chapman)
There is no cannibalism in the British Navy, absolutely none. And when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than I personally admit. View quote
Graham Chapman
Bring out... The Comfy Chair!!!! View quote
Graham Chapman
One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord. View quote
Graham Chapman
Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause]... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! View quote
Graham Chapman