Samantha Bee quotes

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people. (Samantha Bee)
Don't judge me. I made a lot of money. View quote
Samantha Bee
I believe in breakfast. It's the one meal that my kids usually eat without a fuss, so that's huge. As for myself, I can't function without it, and I see it as a great way to get some healthy greens in, some coffee, and on a good day, maybe even some news of the world via the newspaper. View quote
Samantha Bee
I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments. View quote
Samantha Bee
The best part about poker is there's no down side. View quote
Samantha Bee
I'm sorry, remind me again, what is the point of encouraging little girls to dream big if any career puts them in the path of boob honkers? There's not a workplace on land or sea or even at the bottom of a big, deep hole in the ground where we're actually keeping women safe. Right now I'm actually picturing some guy saying, oh, what am I supposed to do, stop asking women out at work because it makes them uncomfortable? Yes. View quote
Samantha Bee
There's a lot of people sitting around in rooms discussing how to make it happen as opposed to just, like, doing it - asking: ‘Do you have any 45-year-old-woman friends who you think are really talented who could submit an application to us?' ‘Do you have any black friends who are great writers who haven't had a shot. View quote
Samantha Bee
There are plenty of people who won't tune in because a woman's voice bothers their eardrums. Their ear canals can't handle the sound of my shrill voice talking at them about a subject. I guess I just don't really care about those people. View quote
Samantha Bee
Look, if you like the freedom to play violent video games, watch internet porn, and grow weed in your house without police using thermal energy to bust you, you owe a debt to Antonin Scalia. You also probably work on my staff. Whether you loved or hated his narrow literalism about a document written before machine guns and gay people were invented, Scalia was by all accounts a nice guy with a wicked sense of humor. People liked him. ... Good people do have bad ideas. View quote
Samantha Bee
Oh my God, conservatives, make up your minds about poor babies. We thought you wanted them to be born. Why else would you oppose free contraception, wage jihad against Planned Parenthood, fight the FDA on Plan B, and make abortion as unattainable for poor women as a ticket to Hamilton. Well, like it or not, there are a lot of poor babies, and it seems all you got for them is the same useless advice you're giving their mothers: Keep your legs crossed. View quote
Samantha Bee
As long as you want to keep playing whack-a-mole from hell, it is my solemn promise that I will keep picking up the metaphorical hammer to slam you back down and remind you that you have not yet done anything to earn our forgiveness. So take your millions of dollars and pay a therapist to care about how tough it's been to get caught being an abuser because honestly, I don't give a shit. (Samantha Bee)
I am a cookbook fanatic. View quote
Samantha Bee
I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is. View quote
Samantha Bee
I think NASCAR's coming to Canada now so it'll take on a whole new relevance. Be afraid. View quote
Samantha Bee
You have to be willing to ask questions that almost no one else would ask. View quote
Samantha Bee
I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show. View quote
Samantha Bee
I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information. View quote
Samantha Bee
I think the show does better with newsmakers and politicians than it does with actors. View quote
Samantha Bee
I was totally unknown in the television and film industry in Canada. View quote
Samantha Bee
I think that my love of cooking grew out of my love of reading about cooking. When I was a kid, we had a bookcase in the kitchen filled with cookbooks. I would eat all my meals reading about meals I could have been having. View quote
Samantha Bee
It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur. (Samantha Bee)
I'm shy, but I'm not clinically shy. I don't have social anxiety disorder or anything like that. I more have a gentle shyness. Like, I have a little trouble mingling at parties. View quote
Samantha Bee
If I could live in New York the rest of my life, I absolutely would, but it's also prohibitively expensive and you have to be working. New York is a lot nicer when you have a job. View quote
Samantha Bee
It's great when you have people who will speak passionately and honestly about what they are doing. View quote
Samantha Bee
My apartment is the equivalent of one room in my Toronto home. Now I understand why New Yorkers are on the streets at all hours. People don't want to stay inside for fear they'll go crazy. View quote
Samantha Bee