Demetri Martin quotes - page 4

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' (Demetri Martin)
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! View quote
Demetri Martin
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time. View quote
Demetri Martin
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. View quote
Demetri Martin
Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it. View quote
Demetri Martin
And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track. View quote
Demetri Martin
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.' View quote
Demetri Martin
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival. View quote
Demetri Martin
And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. View quote
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. View quote
Demetri Martin
I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old. (Demetri Martin)