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Joe E. Lewis quotes
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
Joe E. Lewis
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
Joe E. Lewis
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
Joe E. Lewis
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Joe E. Lewis
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
Joe E. Lewis
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
Joe E. Lewis
I drink to forget I drink.
Joe E. Lewis
We can afford almost any mistake once.
Joe E. Lewis
[A banker is] a man who will lend you money if you can prove to him that you don't need it.
Joe E. Lewis
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
Joe E. Lewis
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
Joe E. Lewis
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
Joe E. Lewis
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
Joe E. Lewis
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
Joe E. Lewis
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
Joe E. Lewis
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
Joe E. Lewis
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
Joe E. Lewis
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
Joe E. Lewis
