Conan O'Brien quotes

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!' (Conan O'Brien)
Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. View quote
Conan O'Brien
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' View quote
Conan O'Brien
When all else fails, there's always delusion. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. View quote
Conan O'Brien
There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized. View quote
Conan O'Brien
This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans. View quote
Conan O'Brien
The top two movies at the box office this weekend were 'High School Musical 3' and 'Saw V.' One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that is difficult to watch and the other is about a guy with a saw. View quote
Conan O'Brien
It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention. (Conan O'Brien)
Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity. View quote
Conan O'Brien
I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is con­nected to the rhythm of music. They're both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I'm always surprised when somebody funny is not musical. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation. View quote
Conan O'Brien
CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.' View quote
Conan O'Brien
It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. View quote
Conan O'Brien
During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. View quote
Conan O'Brien
If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. View quote
Conan O'Brien
In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob. (Conan O'Brien)
My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. View quote
Conan O'Brien
John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career. View quote
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.' View quote
Conan O'Brien
President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards. View quote
Conan O'Brien