P. J. O'Rourke quotes - page 6

Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet. (P. J. O'Rourke)
These were people who believed everything about the Soviet Union was perfect, but they were bringing their own toilet paper. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty- their power and privilege- to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by... politicians. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
A pleasant natural environment is a good- a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we want something, we should pay for it, with our labor or our cash. We shouldn't beg it, steal it, sit around wishing for it, or euchre the government into taking it by force. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Remember, FDA employees are serious about fear. We pay these people to panic about an iota of rodent hair in our chili, even when the recipe calls for it. FDA employees are first-class agonizers, world champions at losing sleep. When Meryl Streep got hysterical about Alar, they actually checked the apples instead of Meryl's head. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, "the Irish of Asia." View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there. (P. J. O'Rourke)
Politicians are wonderful people as longa as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Any person who has spent time outdoors actually doing something, such as hunting and fishing as opposed to standing there with a doobie in his mouth, knows nature is not intrinsically healthy. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
When Adam Smith was being incomprehensible, he didn't have the luxury of brief, snappy technical terms as a shorthand for incoherence. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should do is quit being moral. Screw the rights of nature. Nature will have rights as soon as it get duties. The minute we see birds, trees, bugs, and squirrels picking up litter, giving money to charity, and keeping an eye on our kids at the park, we'll let them vote. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation. (P. J. O'Rourke)
People who are wise, good, smart, skillful, or hardworking don't need politics, they have jobs. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
The larger the German body, the smaller the German bathing suit and the louder the German voice issuing German demands and German orders to everybody who doesn't speak German. For this, and several other reasons, Germany is known as 'the land where Israelis learned their manners. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke