P. J. O'Rourke quotes - page 4

Industrialization came to England but has since left. (P. J. O'Rourke)
Asia is the continent rhythm forgot. At best Asian music is off-brand American pop, like Sonny Bono in a karaoke bar. At worst Asian music sounds as if a truck full of wind chimes collided with a stack of empty oil drums during a birdcall contest. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
The forces of safety are afoot in the land. I, for one, believe it is a conspiracy- a conspiracy of Safety Nazis shouting "Sieg Health" and seeking to trammel freedom, liberty, and large noisy parties. The Safety Nazis advocate gun control, vigorous exercise, and health foods. The result can only be a disarmed, exhausted, and half-starved population ready to acquiesce to dictatorship of some kind. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Your money does not cause my poverty. Refusal to believe this is at the bottom of most bad economic thinking. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
A careful reading of 50 Simple Things leaves you wondering whether you're going to die from environmental disaster or intellectual annoyance. Failing either, you can worry yourself to death. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
When a government controls both the economic power of individuals and the coercive power of the state ... This violates a fundamental rule of happy living: Never let the people with all the money and the people with all the guns be the same people. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
There is parody, when you make fun of people who are smarter than you; satire, when you make fun of people who are richer than you; and burlesque, when you make fun of both while taking your clothes off. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Civilization is an enormous improvement on the lack thereof. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger. (P. J. O'Rourke)
Fretting about overpopulation, is a perfect guilt-free- indeed, sanctimonious- way for "progressives" to be racists. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Government subsidies can be critically analyzed according to a simple principle: You are smarter than the government, so when the government pays you to do something you wouldn't do on your own, it is almost always paying you to do something stupid. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Every generation finds the drug it needs. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
There are twenty-seven specific complaints against the British Crown set forth in the Declaration of Independence. To modern ears they still sound reasonable, in large part, because so many of them can be leveled against the federal government of the United States. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there. (P. J. O'Rourke)
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
One nice thing about making jokes is that you don't have to prove them. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke
Writing on a computer makes saving what's been written too easy. Pretentious lead sentences are kept, not tossed. Instead of sitting surrounded by crumpled paper, the computerized writer has his mistakes neatly stored in digital memory. View quote
P. J. O'Rourke