Augusten Burroughs quotes - page 6

When I ate vanilla frosting straight from the can, I could feel God standing right nest to me like a real best friend, watching, and smiling, and wishing he had a mouth. (Augusten Burroughs)
It was like living in a new house. I saw the undersides of tables, walked through the tangle of chair legs. It would be good to be a dog, I thought. You would feel safe surrounded by all of these leggy objects that never tried to run away. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
and she's a nurse. do you know how hard nursing school is? it's like medical school. so she's obviously smart. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
If you find you require willpower, you aren't ready to lose weight. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
The only other people who have had experiences similar to those of this man were locked up inside institutions for the criminally insane. The difference is, this guy gets business cards. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I don't believe in the concept of a soul mate. Because we are all unique, but we're also simply too similar. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Nobody's trying to kill you, Deirdre. You're killing yourself. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Truthfulness itself is almost medication, even when it's served without advice or insight. (Augusten Burroughs)
In the same way that a tornado rips the roof off a double-wide trailer, leaving the occupants dazed and staring at the clouds from the splinters of what used to be their living room, it was over. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Decisions are beautiful. They are the evidence of thought and care. Decisions are the polishing cloths of life. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Turn off the light," she says as she walks away, creating a smallthat smells sweet and chemical. It makes me sad because it's the smell she makes when she's leaving. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
It was not uncommon to walk in the door of their home and find my mother sitting on the sofa reading over a manuscript with shampoo horns sculpted into her hair. Anne Sexton's voice would be blasting from the speakers. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
With my own memoirs, they are truthful, and I write everything fully expecting to some day end up televised on Court TV, and I'm fully prepared to be challenged legally on it. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I'm always prepared for the worst. I was prepared to have the book come out, sell seven copies, and have to keep working in advertising, so it was just great that it was received so well and by such a huge audience. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I love her handbag. Inside are papers and her wallet and cigarettes and at the bottom, where she never looks, there is loose change, loose mints, specs of tobacco from her cigarettes. Sometimes I bring the bag to my face, open it and inhale as deeply as I can. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Hope and God were buddies. Theirs was not a formal relationship steeped in ritual and tradition. It was more of a close yet casual friendship. View quote
Augusten Burroughs