Augusten Burroughs quotes - page 4

As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just not what happened. (Augusten Burroughs)
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Stars should not be seen alone. That's why there are so many. Two people should stand together and look at them. One person alone will surely miss the good ones. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
We haven't slept together. But we've napped. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I remember, no matter how impossible it seemed that any given day would end, it always did. This one would, too. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
It turned out I had always been a smoker. I just hadn't had any cigarettes. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
And I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. Except that the string was coming from my center. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
It's a wonder I'm even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can't believe I haven't killed myself. But there's something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes. (Augusten Burroughs)
Fact: upon locking yourself our of your apartment you will immediately need to use the bathroom. Fact: and then you will stand in place and watch your door. You will just stare. As though rebuffed by it. As though it has done this to you. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
My window fogs and this makes me feel like there is no world outside of the car. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I knew that he was as reliable as a mathematical formula. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
But my favorite band is Curbside Life, out of Chicago. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I can't tell you how much I love Target and Costco, that kind of culture, because it's something I never felt a part of. I've always felt like a tourist because I have never fit in anywhere. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
And I tend to listen to NPR when I'm not writing. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I've just finished my next collection, Possible Side Effects, and I'm now working on a collection of holiday stories as well as a memoir about my relationship with my father. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
The most I would do was use the shadow tool in Photoshop to bring out the muscular rips in my stomach, which were honestly there. Beneath the fat. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
My brother was born without taste or the desire to be professionally lit. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
I was in advertising for years. That was cushy, you know? It's pretty cushy in a lot of ways, but I hated it. (Augusten Burroughs)
You have an incredible body." He reaches out to touch my stomach. I feel no pleasure in his compliment or his touch, only impatience. This is the only feeling. I feel like the paper on which my mood chart is printed. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
but I am not here ironically; I am here sincerely. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwhich, I am God' sort of way. View quote
Augusten Burroughs
Tracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age. It's something beyond wisdom, all the way to insanity and back. It's like her eyes are scarred from all the things she's seen. View quote
Augusten Burroughs