Andy Borowitz quotes - page 2

The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns. (Andy Borowitz)
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning. View quote
Andy Borowitz
Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted. View quote
Andy Borowitz
As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires. View quote
Andy Borowitz
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday. View quote
Andy Borowitz
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there. View quote
Andy Borowitz
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service. View quote
Andy Borowitz