Ron White quotes - page 2

One time, my wife said to me, [imitating his wife] "Honey, the dryer is broken." [as himself] Did you check the lint trap? [imitating his wife with a clueless face] Sit down, honey, I'll check it. [as his wife] "Was there anything in there?" [as himself] There's a quilt in there. Look! You made a sofa cushion. (Ron White)
I was once offered a 3-way in Austin, and I turned it down because it was one of those deals where it was two dudes and...me. I don't even watch Two and a Half Men. View quote
Ron White
The DeBeers people are almost saying what they really mean. You remember the old DeBeers slogan, "Diamonds are forever." Then they changed it to "This year, take her breath away." The new slogan is "Diamonds. Render her speechless." Why don't they just come out and say it: "Diamonds. That'll shut her up." View quote
Ron White
I like to keep the inside of the house between 70 and 75 degrees. My ex-wife liked to keep the inside of the house between 75 and a hundred and fuckin' ten. And you can't keep Tater Salad at that temperature. View quote
Ron White
When my wife told me that she was anal, I thought, "Great." Turns out, there are two different kinds of "anal"... And she's the wrong one. View quote
Ron White
I don't do any corporate work. View quote
Ron White
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part. View quote
Ron White
My goal is just to become a better comedian. View quote
Ron White
But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever. View quote
Ron White
I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling. View quote
Ron White
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. (Ron White)
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered. View quote
Ron White
My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth. View quote
Ron White
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out. View quote
Ron White
Everybody I know is a joke writer. View quote
Ron White
I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there. View quote
Ron White
Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane. View quote
Ron White
I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. View quote
Ron White
When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range. View quote
Ron White
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. View quote
Ron White
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years. (Ron White)
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child. View quote
Ron White
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. View quote
Ron White
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine. View quote
Ron White
I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there. View quote
Ron White