David Spade quotes

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible." (David Spade)
There's always something funny about men chasing women. View quote
David Spade
You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun. View quote
David Spade
In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends. View quote
David Spade
My career is just kind of crazy. View quote
David Spade
Cindy (Chris Farley): That reminds me, I have a joke: I heard Michael Jackson went shopping at K-Mart because there was a sale! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Christy (Spade): You messed it up, dumbbell! He went shopping at K-Mart because he heard little boys' pants were half off. View quote
David Spade
Steward (Spade): [sarcastically ushering passangers off of the plane] Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-Bye [to a fat passanger]Buh-bye. You're very heavy. Fat Passanger (Chris Farley): What did you say? Steward: I said buh-bye! I just said buh-bye 40 times in a row why would I say anything else? It doesn't make sense! Did I just say something without knowing it? No! Go! Buh-bye! Passenger (Adam Sandler): I'm gonna be waiting for you outside in the terminal. Steward: Great, buh-bye. Passenger: No, no, no, there's more. I'm gonna pound your face in. Steward: Okay, Slick. Buh-bye! Passenger: I'm gonna destroy you! Steward: Buh-BYE! Passenger: I am gonna KICK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU! Steward: YEAH?! BUH-BYE! View quote
David Spade
The "new" Fleetwood Mac were singing "Don't Stop". I've got a message for the new Fleetwood Mac: DO Stop! Touring; recording; saying you're legends. Michael Bolton, big star, popular musician, guess what? You're bald and we all know it. I don't care how long you grow your hair in the back but we all know what's happening on top. I know you sold nine million albums but guess what? I don't know anyone who's got one. Steve Martin. What about Leap of Faith? I was going to see it but I was sick that day. I finally sat through The Bodyguard and: [imitates the song] Iiiiiiiii-eee-iiiiiii-want my money back! View quote
David Spade
It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops. View quote
David Spade
I never dated much in high school or college. View quote
David Spade
Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic. (David Spade)
Now that I have the opportunities to do a lot, I want to do less. View quote
David Spade
It's hard to have a career. View quote
David Spade
It's so crazy in Hollywood. View quote
David Spade
I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder. View quote
David Spade
Single guys get a bad rap. View quote
David Spade
I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those. View quote
David Spade
I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world. View quote
David Spade
Boom, baby! View quote
David Spade
I only know three songs by REM and guess what? I don't like two of them! That's right, I'm not cool- I don't like REM. Don't hang out with me, I'm a nerd. I saw REM, they're the best. The lead singer is so serious and heavy, he comes out, all, 'This next song is about the overcommercialization of rock and roll and how corporations have come and' -- hey, just sing the goddamn songs, alright buddy? I'm already depressed, I want you to make me shiny and happy! The thing about Showtime is, it's basically softcore porn. I'm into it. I forget I have Showtime, until like, Saturday mornings when I get home from work, and it's: cartoon, cartoon, cartoon, 'Warning: This program contains massive nudity. View quote
David Spade
Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up, stinky, dick licker. (David Spade)
I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her. View quote
David Spade
Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open. View quote
David Spade
Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares? View quote
David Spade
I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary. View quote
David Spade