Sarah Silverman quotes

I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin. (Sarah Silverman)
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse. View quote
Sarah Silverman
Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know ... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years ... but younger black women are prostitutes. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health. View quote
Sarah Silverman
People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne." I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am - I'm white! View quote
Sarah Silverman
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I got jury duty ... and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." View quote
Sarah Silverman
If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I was raped by a doctor ... which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl. View quote
Sarah Silverman
When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS - make lemon-AIDS! View quote
Sarah Silverman
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons ... which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you gonna say? (Sarah Silverman)
If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I Hope The Jews Did Kill Christ. I'd Fucking Do It Again in a Second. View quote
Sarah Silverman
Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts. View quote
Sarah Silverman
[holds up an egg] This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg. View quote
Sarah Silverman
You look like my friend Debbie. That's really weird ... do you get that a lot? - It's sad, though, 'cause you know, we're not really friends anymore. But, uh, it's not your fault. Seriously, it was 'cause she's, um ... not "born again Christian" ... oh! View quote
Sarah Silverman
The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s ... well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I love you more than bears love honey, I love you more than Jews love money, I love you more than Asians are good at math. I love you even if it's not hip, I love you more than black guys don't tip, I love you like Puerto Ricans need baths. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I've sued my manager for sexual harassment. And it's real hard, and a big strain on me. Because he hasn't done anything. View quote
Sarah Silverman
The writers of "Sanford and Son" were so brave in bringing their program to television. I mean, working with all those black people! (Sarah Silverman)
I saw my father's penis once. But it was okay, because I was soooo young ... and sooo drunk. View quote
Sarah Silverman
Once I was with two men in one night. But I could never do it again-I could hardly walk afterward. Two dinners? That's a lot of food. View quote
Sarah Silverman
I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way." View quote
Sarah Silverman
People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt. View quote
Sarah Silverman