Judith Sheindlin quotes

"Yep" is not an answer! (Judith Sheindlin)
I don't care whether you had a 30-day notice, a 3-day notice, or a partridge in a pear tree! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Judy: [to Byrd] Put him outside. Byrd: Put who outside? Judy: [points to defendant] Him. Byrd: Him? Judy: Him. Defendant: [muttering under his breath as he is escorted out of court] Oh, man. The story of my life. Judy: [to plaintiff] Mr. Britton's fifteen minutes of fame is over. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Judy: Listen to me very carefully, sir. I don't want you to give me the Dumb Routine. Do you know what I'm talking about? If you're dumb, I'll know you're dumb. If you give me the dumb routine, I know it's a dumb routine. Defendant: Yes, ma'am. Judy: I know the difference, Mr. Carey. Do you understand that? Defendant: [grinning] Yes, ma'am. Judy: Okay, very good. Now we understand each other, sir. Believe me, by the time this is over you're not gonna be smiling. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Mr. Britton, don't be a wise guy, because I'm gonna mop up the floor with you if you're a wise guy to me. This is my playpen, not yours. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face? View quote
Judith Sheindlin
I mean, did you think I was just a fake person here, that they picked out of, you know, that they picked out of a supermarket? Didn't you think that I had any legal experience at all, sir? View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Judy: [after catching defendant in a lie; he admitted that he was living with his witness when a few moments earlier he had said he wasn't] PERFECT! So now you're living back together again. And why, Nick, did you feel as if it was necessary to lie to me a moment ago? Defendant: I... have been staying in Minneapolis every now and then... but I... didn't mean to lie to you. Judy: There's another reason, Nick. Defendant: There's no reason to lie. I'm sorry. Judy: Well... Defendant's Witness: Not many people know that he is staying there with me. Judy: Now ten million people know that he's staying with you. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
NO it wasn't a gift, you FOOL! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
There's just one person who's allowed to ask, or answer, rhetorical questions in my courtroom -- and that's me! Understand? No, don't answer! There you go again. (Judith Sheindlin)
You're going to keep your mouth shut until I come to you and ask you a question, then you're going to speak; otherwise Byrd will take you outside until you understand the rules, 'cause here, I'm in charge. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
I'm not 25, and I'm not 5'8". But I know when someone is pulling my leg. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
I don't know why a 57-year-old man would loan an 18-year-old cashier at Whole Foods $250. I don't know why a man would do that. But I can tell you one thing: my husband's not going to Whole Foods anymore. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Let me explain something to you, Fresh Mouth: I'm the only one who makes jokes. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Oh, sit down! You're as dumb as he is! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
If I could fine you for stupid, I would fine you for stupid. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
You're irritating me. It's not a good thing to start off by irritating the person who's supposed to decide your case. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
You say no, I say yes; I win, I'm the judge. Goodbye. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
(To a football player) If you lie to me, I'll mop the floor with you worse than anyone who's ever tackled you. (Judith Sheindlin)
PUT YOUR HAND DOWN! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
I want you to stop getting hysterical over NOTHING! View quote
Judith Sheindlin
If you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. If you lie, you're always tripping over your own tie. View quote
Judith Sheindlin
Your lawsuit is such a crock of baloney. View quote
Judith Sheindlin