David Sedaris quotes - page 2

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit. (David Sedaris)
I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.
David Sedaris
Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.
David Sedaris
What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find it.
David Sedaris
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.
David Sedaris
I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.
David Sedaris
This left me alone to solve the coffee problem - a sort of catch-22, as in order to think straight I need caffeine, and in order to make that happen I need to think straight.
David Sedaris
I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally.
David Sedaris
I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.
David Sedaris
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
David Sedaris
I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead. (David Sedaris)
Weird doors open. People fall into things.
David Sedaris
The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.
David Sedaris
I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself.
David Sedaris
But most good movies have a gun in them.
David Sedaris
There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.
David Sedaris
As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
David Sedaris
My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.
David Sedaris
It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.
David Sedaris
The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.
David Sedaris
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. (David Sedaris)
I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
David Sedaris
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.
David Sedaris
The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you're a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence.
David Sedaris
I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.
David Sedaris