Andy Rooney quotes

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. (Andy Rooney)
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Andy Rooney
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Andy Rooney
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andy Rooney
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Andy Rooney
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Andy Rooney
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Andy Rooney
The one affectation I have forced on the publisher ... are my apostrophe-free ellisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I dont spell 'don't' with an apostrophe. I spell it 'dont'. We all know the word and it seems foolish to put in an extraneous apostrophe. Punctuation marks are devices we use to make the meaning of sentences clear. There is nothing confusing about a word like 'dont' printed without an apostrophe to indicate an omitted letter.
Andy Rooney
At the end of every television broadcast, the names of the people who worked on it are listed. Why, you may ask yourself sometimes, would so many people want to take credit for such a bad show? Well, its just like what's happened to the dollar. Credits in television suffer from inflation. There are more of them and they arent worth what they used to be, even on a good show.
Andy Rooney
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. (Andy Rooney)
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
Andy Rooney
I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
Andy Rooney
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Andy Rooney
I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Andy Rooney
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Andy Rooney
the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
Andy Rooney
I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
Andy Rooney
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Andy Rooney
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Andy Rooney
I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. (Andy Rooney)
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Andy Rooney
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Andy Rooney
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
Andy Rooney
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Andy Rooney