Karl Pilkington quotes - page 8

My auntie Nora right, all her food is mashed. She's got teeth but she don't need 'em [Karl on how his auntie blends her food and never uses her teeth]. (Karl Pilkington)
On the possibility of meeting Warwick Davis- The first time I see him, I'd be a little like, what should I say, what shouldn't I say? Whereas once you get to know him I'm sure he'd be a lovely little fella. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I will not be lickin a frog, so there's nothin' to worry about. View quote
Karl Pilkington
It would be impossible, I'd just chuck meself into the salt pot or something. I'd hate that, that would be horrible that [Karl answering Ricky's question of how he would get Suzanne's attention in the Kitchen if he were a slug]. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Fella comes walking toward me. Only got no pants on. So I said, ‘Suzanne, what's going on?' View quote
Karl Pilkington
Walking down the street in London with Suzanne, saw a little homeless.. well I didn't see the homeless bloke right, I saw a leg stickin out of a doorway, thought 'here we go', right. Walked past it, right, you're not gonna believe this. Homeless.... Chinese fella. I've never seen one of them. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Don't be chucking that out. You might need that later - Karl interprets the phrase Waste not, want not. View quote
Karl Pilkington
If you live in a glass house, don't be chucking stuff about. - Karl interprets the phrase Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. View quote
Karl Pilkington
People who live in a glass house have to answer the door - Karl invents his own phrase based on Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Whoop, there's an elephant in the room. View quote
Karl Pilkington
You don't have to do it straight away, but just do it before it gets really bad - Karl re-evaluates the phrase A stitch in time saves nine. (Karl Pilkington)
Language is a powerful thing init...er... View quote
Karl Pilkington
You build up to it, don't you? You have that bit of a chat, and you go alright? Hows it going?. You get on an' that and then a little baby pops out. View quote
Karl Pilkington
If he's 27 today, he would have been 26 last week, and he doesn't look 26. He didn't look 26 last week, and he looks older than 28 today. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Like I say, the first time I saw Steve I was never havin' a go, it was just, 'oh that's different' but you know, Steve, I was never havin' a go, it's just that thing, 'oh right interesting' View quote
Karl Pilkington
Just pop it on your wrist. - Ricky asks Karl how his 'invention' of a watch that counts down your life would actually work. View quote
Karl Pilkington
It's not going to change the world. But neither did the egg-cup. View quote
Karl Pilkington
What do dogs do? Sniff each other's arse. They don't knock about going "Let's try a chatup line." View quote
Karl Pilkington
Get married, get on with it, email us the pictures, we're happy to have a look. View quote
Karl Pilkington
"I've got to make sure the groom's hat's on straight." That's when you know an event's overstaffed. View quote
Karl Pilkington
This isn't Amazon where you can go "I'm not happy with the product" and pop it back in the post. Thats it, you've got it. (Karl Pilkington)
Who's the mental one here? Is it me, or everyone else? View quote
Karl Pilkington
I've got a fat head. There's nothing I can do about it. View quote
Karl Pilkington
12 hours on a plane, over 5,000 miles. All this way you've got me licking fish. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something. View quote
Karl Pilkington