Karl Pilkington quotes - page 5

Just sort of wander about and that, and just not get seen [What he would do with the power of invisibility]. (Karl Pilkington)
At no point am I going to lick a little frogs head. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I've met a few little people in my time. I met a little fella once and he was alright. He got drunk really quick, err, but he was alright. But it took me by surprise -like I've said about when I met Steve for the first time, it's only that same thing, then if we lived together I'm sure we'd get on a storm. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then? View quote
Karl Pilkington
On seeing an ultrasound picture- It was an awkward situation because she was happy with it. I was like 'Oh God'. It was an odd looking thing. I couldn't say 'Oh, it looks like you' because that would be a dis. View quote
Karl Pilkington
(on cockroaches living without a head for a week) Why, when it was invented, has it got that facility? View quote
Karl Pilkington
If there's one thing we haven't cracked yet in human civilsation, we've never been able to make a good wig. I wouldn't want a wig on me. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I was at some night once, right. It was some night out and er, some people come running on stage. And some music started coming on. These four people came running out, it was two women, two blokes. It wasn't gay an' that. It was just a normal night -well, y'know, some party night out. These people come running on. You've got two women, you've got two blokes. They whip their knickers off. The fellas whip their undies off. All at the same time, like er, whatsit? Cheryl Baker was in it... Bucks Fizz. So that happened and all I'm saying is, right; before I had a look at the woman's bits, I just had a cheeky glance at the fellas' bits, just checkin' it out, checking everything's normal down there. Believe me, I had a look at the ladies' bits but I didn't know how long that pants were going to left off for. View quote
Karl Pilkington
The first time you watch it you'll probably cry a bit. The second time you watch it you will probably think - boy that would be bad having a head like that being picked on - the third time you are probably thinking, er, how does he get his jumper on, er, then dunno probably bored of it the fourth time. But, but it's well worth watching. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Talking about being in heaven- It's not fair though because all them lot have been up there ages with like a chance to get a bit of sun on the body and that so they'll look alright. I'll be wandering about with underpant marks and stuff. View quote
Karl Pilkington
As long as you're rememberin' baby Jesus, does it matter when you're rememberin' 'im[Karl on how he hates Christmas being the same date each year]. (Karl Pilkington)
At some point, somethin has had it away with a leaf [Karl's explanation of an insect which has evolved to look like a leaf to protect itself from predators]. View quote
Karl Pilkington
And whilst the lizard's having a kip, the scorpion says, ‘Tell ya what: I'll do you a little deal... View quote
Karl Pilkington
(On Ricky asking him to do a diary next year)No I wouldn't, you know, cos you do the same stuff ever year don't ya? It's set up the same way: January, February it's the same thing, it's the same routine. View quote
Karl Pilkington
You know that guy Richard Blackwood? He went in for a colonic, live TV. Never seen again. View quote
Karl Pilkington
He got hot, he got so hot his lips fell off. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off? View quote
Karl Pilkington
Whats good with a holiday right.. say if you work in a factory from 8 in the morning till 8 at night, packin socks into a rubber bag right.. between 8 and.. what time did i say he finishes? View quote
Karl Pilkington
Do you know like, when you're a bloke nudist, Do you ever get any who just have like a small knob? View quote
Karl Pilkington
Karl's Diary - Read about a pub which is gettin' some stick 'cause its stopped a horse goin' in. Its been the horse' regular for ages, but some new owners have taken over the pub and they said they're servin' fresh food and don't want a horse in there anymore. View quote
Karl Pilkington
On homosexuals- I'm still none the wiser as to why they do that - Video Podcast|Video Podcast 5. (Karl Pilkington)
Well, you took me to the BAFTAs. Yeah, but only cos no-one else would probably wanna go with you. View quote
Karl Pilkington
If that was on my road the council would be like "Get that down, its a deathtrap!" View quote
Karl Pilkington
If anythin', like I said, he didn't do us a favour, he saved too much. You can't move out there for stuff (Referring to Noah saving every animal) View quote
Karl Pilkington
A stitch in five saves fifteen or whatever - Another re-evaluation by Karl of the phrase 'A stitch in time saves nine. View quote
Karl Pilkington