Karl Pilkington quotes - page 4

So I was watchin David Attenborough.. he makes his money out of flies and that dun' he. (Karl Pilkington)
On homosexuals- They're more up for a bit more experimentation an' that -Podcast Series 1 Episode 2. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I'd kick it, and I'd say 'You knob-head'. - Karl tells Ricky his response to being poisoned by an octopus. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes. View quote
Karl Pilkington
All I'm saying is that old people need to be old people. You need oldness. You need to see old people. You need to go Right, they might have a solution they've been on the earth longer. Quick, we need an answer. How old are yer? View quote
Karl Pilkington
The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit? View quote
Karl Pilkington
I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for. View quote
Karl Pilkington
The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can't relate to it. I think most people got into 'cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn't required as much. View quote
Karl Pilkington
She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected? View quote
Karl Pilkington
On chameleons - Stay green. Stay in the woods. Stay safe. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like. (Karl Pilkington)
Now Hilda, she was your bog standard old woman. View quote
Karl Pilkington
[Ricky asks what else he would do with the power of invisibility]Dunno, you could sort of go in shops when they're shut, just get in before they lock up. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I was walking home the other night, and I was thinking about it, and do you worry that when you're old you will be on your own? View quote
Karl Pilkington
You know how they say people have six senses? There's loads more than that. [The ability to feel someone looking at you], that's been around since man and dinosaur were knockin' about. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Yeah, we'll do that, Lanky. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Ricky: You are the strangest man alive. View quote
Karl Pilkington
On Steve's dancing ability- er, it's just like a bit of weird art. View quote
Karl Pilkington
Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine. View quote
Karl Pilkington
I saw a cockroach playing Pacman. It was on the internet, right, and somebody had linked up a cockroach to err... to some... I can't even be bothered explaining it, but that's what I'm saying - everything is moving on. View quote
Karl Pilkington
...but it's all about ‘a gorilla and a fox are walking thru the woods.' How often does that happen? (Karl Pilkington)
I've been watchin birds more than insects recently, and the thing I've found with pigeons is: they've got wings but they walk a lot. View quote
Karl Pilkington
The best thing you can do is look after yourself. Get on with it. View quote
Karl Pilkington
(After chatting about the Serbian sex machine invention and Karl said 'Did it have to be a woman or could they have got a gay fella in - butt plugs and that').. View quote
Karl Pilkington
No it's one of them things though, imagine it.. if you're that caretaker and you're thinkin I've got away with this then suddenly a plant grasses you up.. you weren't expectin that. View quote
Karl Pilkington