Pat Paulsen quotes

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. (Pat Paulsen)
We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. View quote
Pat Paulsen
The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot. View quote
Pat Paulsen
Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not? View quote
Pat Paulsen
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. View quote
Pat Paulsen
I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat. View quote
Pat Paulsen
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years! View quote
Pat Paulsen
After all, the leaders of our country were not elected to be tittered at. Censors have to draw the line somewhere. For instance, we are allowed to say Ronald Reagan is a lousy actor, but we're not allowed to say he's a lousy governor – which is ridiculous. We know he's a good actor. And you can't say anything bad about President Johnston [sic], because you shouldn't insult the President. But if you compliment him, who will believe it? View quote
Pat Paulsen
I ask you, will I solve our civil rights problems? Will I unite this country and bring it forward? Will I obliterate the national debt? [long pause] Sure, why not? Thank you. View quote
Pat Paulsen
The radio and press have once again chewed off more than they can bite. They continue to confuse personality with politics. They seem to assume that I'm lying when I state that I am not a candidate for the Presidency. True, all the present candidates once denied they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate. View quote
Pat Paulsen
As a keen political observer, I've noticed that most people do not really vote for someone for the Presidency as much as they vote against the other candidate. And I think President Johnston's [sic] decision was unfair to these people. (Pat Paulsen)
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. View quote
Pat Paulsen
We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass. View quote
Pat Paulsen
I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. View quote
Pat Paulsen
The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees. View quote
Pat Paulsen
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' View quote
Pat Paulsen
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. View quote
Pat Paulsen
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. View quote
Pat Paulsen
So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye. View quote
Pat Paulsen
Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. View quote
Pat Paulsen
You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. (Pat Paulsen)
Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it. View quote
Pat Paulsen
Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk. View quote
Pat Paulsen
If elected, I will win. View quote
Pat Paulsen
I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. View quote
Pat Paulsen