John Oliver (comedian) quotes - page 4

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. (John Oliver (comedian))
I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
Americans just don't understand dry wit. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on The Daily Show ... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. (John Oliver (comedian))
I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
You might look at the Oreo Pizza and think, "That is a reprehensible foodstuff". I put it to you that that is the single most patriotic item I have ever seen in my life! Hoist that up a flagpole! ... Because that is the biggest imaginable "fuck you" you could possibly issue to terrorists. By hoisting the Oreo Pizza up a flagpole, what you're essentially saying is, "There is nothing you can do to us, we are not already doing to ourselves". View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
Calling slave labor "chores" is a euphemism on par with calling Hitler a "best-selling author with a side hustle" or JFK's assassination a "bad hair day" or this a comedy show. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
There is no "fact-checking" of John Oliver, Beyonce or Kim Kardashian. They're entertainers, not politicians or journalists. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)
On 6th May 2011 episode of The Bugle Podcast John created the phrase "fuckyoulogy", an obituary for someone recently deceased who most certainly will not be missed. View quote
John Oliver (comedian)