Denis Norden quotes

A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten. (Denis Norden)
What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions? View quote
Denis Norden
And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out. View quote
Denis Norden
The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up. View quote
Denis Norden
Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh. View quote
Denis Norden
It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered. View quote
Denis Norden
You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D. View quote
Denis Norden
I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny. View quote
Denis Norden
If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it. View quote
Denis Norden
I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days. View quote
Denis Norden
And if you can offer an explanation as to why it doesn't work then you've got to the whole root of comedy. (Denis Norden)
Smetana certainly knew which side his bride was bartered. View quote
Denis Norden
He had the kind of handshake that ought never to be used except as a tourniquet. View quote
Denis Norden
It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you discover that your wife left you in May. View quote
Denis Norden
There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car. View quote
Denis Norden