Christopher Moore (author) quotes - page 5

Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown. (Christopher Moore (author))
You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
Christopher Moore (author)
Fornication with your daughters thats like a double dog sin.
Christopher Moore (author)
You should feel what it is like to pleasure a falcon. You lock talons with her in the sky and do it while you both are falling like meteors. You would like it; they never complain if you come too fast.
Christopher Moore (author)
Tension among a bunch of neurotics is just more interesting for a story than is a description of dedicated professionals doing their work and getting along, which is the case in reality. When in doubt, assume I made it up.
Christopher Moore (author)
When the oil of the lamp is used up the wanker shall light his own way to salvation.
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh to be young and in love (with 8 Chinese concubines).
Christopher Moore (author)
Pocket: Do you know that there's no fool piece on the chessboard, Kent? Kent: Methinks the fool is the player, the mind above the moves. Pocket: Well, that's a scratchy spot of cat wank. But bloody well said.
Christopher Moore (author)
Gentle spook, if it is a warning you bring, state it true. If action you require, ask outright. If music you must make, play on- but by the wine-stained balls of Bacchus, speak your bloody business quick and clear and then be gone, before Time's iron tongue licks away my mercy bonk with second thoughts!
Christopher Moore (author)
Great heroes have Great horniness.
Christopher Moore (author)
Fuckstockings! (Christopher Moore (author))
Your mother eats fungus from the feet of lepers.
Christopher Moore (author)
Sin is moist make a mental note.
Christopher Moore (author)
Heinous fuckery most foul!
Christopher Moore (author)
And once I shagged Regan on a platter of pork in front of Muslims.
Christopher Moore (author)
I shagged a ghost!
Christopher Moore (author)
And so that is the story of how St. Rufus of Pipewrench was licked to death by marmots.
Christopher Moore (author)
Fancy a spot of stony bonking before vespers?
Christopher Moore (author)
Mary: You can read? Pocket: I was raised in a nunnery, wench. I'm a walking library of learning bound in comely leather, suitable for stroking at your service, should you fancy a bit of culture to go with your lack of breeding...or vice verse of course.
Christopher Moore (author)
Cordelia: You honor us, Fool. Did you hear rumors of small animals to hurt or were you hoping to accidentally surprise me in my bath again? Pocket: I was lost, Milady. Cordelia: A dozen times?
Christopher Moore (author)
King Lear: What is your name? Kent / Caius: Caius. King Lear: And whence do you hale? Kent / Caius: From Bonking, Sire. King Lear: Well, yes, lad as do we all. (Christopher Moore (author))
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.
Christopher Moore (author)
By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.
Christopher Moore (author)
If you have come to these pages for laughter, may you find it. If you are here to be offended, may your ire rise and your blood boil. If you seek an adventure, may this song sing you away to blissful escape. If you need to test or confirm your beliefs, may you reach comfortable conclusions. All books reveal perfection, by what they are or what they are not. May you find that which you seek, in these pages or outside them. May you find perfection, and know it by name.
Christopher Moore (author)
The fact that 'A Dirty Job' has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it with a whimsical tone, despite the fact that it's about death, makes it hard to characterize with standard genre labels - but I have no problem with that. I'd call it a funny story about death, and leave it at that.
Christopher Moore (author)