Christopher Moore (author) quotes - page 4

. . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I'm okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it's unsettling. (Christopher Moore (author))
May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I? View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh, I get it," I said. "It's a parable. Cute. Let's go eat. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
She's so small, yet she contains so much evil. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something. (Christopher Moore (author))
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
... as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [...] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
It's like time travel only, you know, slower... View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be.... You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants. (Christopher Moore (author))
... And so Charlie Asher... led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
That's a horrible plan." "Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)