Christopher Moore (author) quotes - page 4

. . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I'm okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it's unsettling. (Christopher Moore (author))
May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.
Christopher Moore (author)
If there was anything I learned from John the Baptist, it was that the sooner you confess a mistake, the quicker you can get on to making new and better mistakes.
Christopher Moore (author)
No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.
Christopher Moore (author)
It's hard for me, a Jew, to stay in the moment. Without the past, where is the guilt? And without the future, where is the dread? And without guilt and dread, who am I?
Christopher Moore (author)
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh, I get it," I said. "It's a parable. Cute. Let's go eat.
Christopher Moore (author)
It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
Christopher Moore (author)
She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.
Christopher Moore (author)
That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith.
Christopher Moore (author)
I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something. (Christopher Moore (author))
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.
Christopher Moore (author)
So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety.
Christopher Moore (author)
... as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
Christopher Moore (author)
She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
Christopher Moore (author)
The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [...] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.
Christopher Moore (author)
Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.
Christopher Moore (author)
It's like time travel only, you know, slower...
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair..
Christopher Moore (author)
She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
Christopher Moore (author)
Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be.... You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants. (Christopher Moore (author))
... And so Charlie Asher... led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
Christopher Moore (author)
That's a horrible plan." "Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.
Christopher Moore (author)
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
Christopher Moore (author)
Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy.
Christopher Moore (author)