Christopher Moore (author) quotes

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.... (Christopher Moore (author))
That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Regardless of its purpose, the humpback-whale song is the most complex piece of nonhuman composition on earth. Whether it's art, prayer, or booty call, the humpback song is an amazing thing to experience firsthand, and I suspect that even once the science of it is put to bed, it will remain, as long as they sing, magic. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Children see magic because they look for it. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Only cops and vampires have to have an invitation to enter. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Routine feeds the illusion of safety. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Moses should have said "Let my people go. Please." View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
I fink I gots deaf on me willie. (Christopher Moore (author))
The Science you don't know looks like magic. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
There's a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality--there's mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu? (Christopher Moore (author))
Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
I think I'm what they call a never-was. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
You want me and I want you. right?" Who did she think she was? You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's Syndrome. He said, "Well, I guess. Yeah, that's right. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)
We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again. View quote
Christopher Moore (author)