Bob Monkhouse quotes

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted. (Bob Monkhouse)
I'd like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can't fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I'll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven't done something even mildly creative. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I saw a specialist who asked me 'Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?'. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75, so it's no distance. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance. (Bob Monkhouse)
I've always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
People who hadn't noticed me, or who had written me off as a game show host, started to reassess me. There were people who hadn't seen me as a stand-up artist and liked it. Suddenly I was in fashion again. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
No one watched it, not even the cameramen. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
Smarmy, plastic, oily, greasy, unctuous, shallow, superficial, old-fashioned, superannuated, crap. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
We used to say he had a computer in his head. His memory was astonishing. View quote
Bob Monkhouse
When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they? View quote
Bob Monkhouse
People always say: "You're a comedian, tell us a joke." They don't say: "You're an MP, tell us a lie." View quote
Bob Monkhouse