Jay London quotes

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults. (Jay London)
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. View quote
Jay London
It all started when my dog received free rollover minutes. View quote
Jay London
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese. View quote
Jay London
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. View quote
Jay London
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? View quote
Jay London
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. View quote
Jay London
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. View quote
Jay London
Did you know that today will never be tomorrow. View quote
Jay London
I model irregular clothing. View quote
Jay London
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock. (Jay London)
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out. View quote
Jay London
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road. View quote
Jay London
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness. View quote
Jay London
I saw a stationery store move. View quote
Jay London
At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? View quote
Jay London
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me. View quote
Jay London
A guy gave me a job at an information booth, no questions asked. View quote
Jay London
I went to the store and bought lady fingers. When I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger. View quote
Jay London
I went to a urologist. He told me I could go at any time. View quote
Jay London
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. (Jay London)
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. View quote
Jay London
I recorded my hair this morning. Tonight I'm watching the highlights. View quote
Jay London
I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast. View quote
Jay London
You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on evolutionary chart. View quote
Jay London