Garrison Keillor quotes - page 2

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore. (Garrison Keillor)
Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze. View quote
Garrison Keillor
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve. View quote
Garrison Keillor
If you can't trust a Methodist with absolute power to arrest people and not have to say why, then whom can you trust? View quote
Garrison Keillor
Minnesota is a state of public-spirited and polite people, where you can get a good cappucino and eat Thai food and find any book you want and yet live on a quiet tree-lined street with a backyard and send your kids to public school. When a state this good hits the jackpot, it can only be an inspiration to everybody. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Beauty isn't worth thinking about what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota. View quote
Garrison Keillor
One day Donald Trump discovers that he is owned, lock, stock, and roulette wheel, by Lutheran Brotherhood, and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit. View quote
Garrison Keillor
To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit on the face of it - they never felt such an urge, and therefore it must not exist. View quote
Garrison Keillor
The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan. (Garrison Keillor)
I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy. View quote
Garrison Keillor
I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. View quote
Garrison Keillor
You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places. View quote
Garrison Keillor
One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining. View quote
Garrison Keillor
When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal. View quote
Garrison Keillor
We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it. (Garrison Keillor)
Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else. View quote
Garrison Keillor
Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world like grace and shines on everybody. View quote
Garrison Keillor
A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish' View quote
Garrison Keillor
A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing. View quote
Garrison Keillor