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Penn Jillette quotes - page 9
I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice.
Penn Jillette
If there are two things Penn & Teller stand for, it's the truth & lying, although not necessarily in that order.
Penn Jillette
I didn't learn fire-eating to conquer my fears. I learned fire-eating because I desperately wanted to be in show business.
Penn Jillette
Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.
Penn Jillette
When I buy Windows 98, I'm not only buying something useful, I'm giving money to Bill Gates, which is a really good thing.
Penn Jillette
I've voted Libertarian as long as I can remember, but I don't really remember much before the Clintons and the Bushes. Those clans made a lot of us bugnutty.
Penn Jillette
Computers absolutely changed my life. Before I had a computer, I had never written one thing. Not one thing. I'm a very bad speller and I was embarrassed by that. When I would type, the little mistakes would make me nutty, and I would never edit anything.
Penn Jillette
Trey Parker did 'Book of Mormon.' It's the best Broadway show I've ever seen. He does 'South Park.' It's wonderful.
Penn Jillette
There are performers who have built their whole career doing magic on TV and can't really perform live at all - don't really have jobs and skills.
Penn Jillette
There's no job in show business that's harder than any other job outside show business.
Penn Jillette
I don't believe in vengeance. Really, when all is said and done, I probably don't believe in punishment.
Penn Jillette
I don't think I'm made of the right stuff to be a politician. I think I'm made to be a loose cannon.
Penn Jillette
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'
Penn Jillette
When 9/11 hit, the second thing I said to myself was, 'This really is what religious people do.' Those people flying the plane were very good, very pious, truly faithful believers. There's no other way to paint them. Of course, they are extremists by definition, but they certainly aren't going against Islam in any real way.
Penn Jillette
The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt, hormone-raging bug nutty.
Penn Jillette
No one can tell you the rules of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' No one. Donald Trump just does what he wants, which is mostly pontificating to people who are sucking up to him, while the network people try to manipulate him into making the highest-rated show they can.
Penn Jillette
If you want to talk about magic, the stuff that blows me away is the stuff that's done close up.
Penn Jillette
Take some time and put the Bible on your summer reading list. Try and stick with it cover to cover. Not because it teaches history; we've shown you it doesn't. Read it because you'll see for yourself what the Bible is all about. It sure isn't great literature. If it were published as fiction, no reviewer would give it a passing grade. There are some vivid scenes and some quotable phrases, but there's no plot, no structure, there's a tremendous amount of filler, and the characters are painfully one-dimensional. Whatever you do, don't read the Bible for a moral code: it advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition, and murder. Read it because: we need more atheists - and nothin' will get you there faster than readin' the damn Bible.
Penn Jillette
There are really good sociobiological reasons for why we evolved to cooperate. It really is good for all of us. You can be a hard ass and just run common sense, you know, what is the most effective way for people to interact and you do better if you treat people well, you just do. And on top of that the whole world does better if you treat people well. It works out on any level.
Penn Jillette
Someone who is paying attention can do the same thing that Trump is doing with hate, and do it with love, and become president ... That's kind of beautiful. There's nothing more optimistic than that. ... Donald Trump does, when it comes right down to it, fuck up everything ... He fucks up his casinos. He fucks up his buildings.... Maybe he'll fuck up his campaign before he fucks up the country.
Penn Jillette
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